Drop
February 20th, 2021
Starring: Ma (female, 25-35)
The middle of the night. The sound of a baby crying, in its crib. The door opens, and Ma comes in. She picks up the baby from her crib and holds her, gently rocking. After a few moments, the baby quiets down.
MA
My husband asks how I do it. How she calms down instantly with me.
...
I visualize dropping her.
...
It’s like...when you’re high up on a skyscraper, or a suspension bridge, sometimes you look down and imagine what it would be like if you jumped?
Not that you will. That’s insane. It’s so insane, you wonder what it would look like.
So you play it out in your head:
…
I’m holding her, trying to find a bottle, a pacifier, my nipple
I’m so stressed, I trip. I bump into something, or miss a step, or just go all butter fingers
She slips out of my hands
Hits the floor
Her head busts open like a bag of M&Ms
The car
The ER
A funeral five months after the shower
Or caring for her crippling brain damage I inflicted for the rest of her life
I think she picks up on it telekinetically.
She feels my fear so she falls asleep.
That’s my theory, anyway.
...
My husband thinks he’s doing something wrong. I tell him not to take it personally.
Mothers and daughters have a special connection.
The baby is back to sleep again. Ma gives her a kiss on the forehead and softly places her back into the crib. She leaves.