Fake
April 9th, 2021
Starring: Dick (male, 70-85), Ginny (female, 45-55)
Mid-morning, in front of Dick’s home. On the curb out front, there’s a U-Haul van parked. Next to it stands Dick, filled to the brim with a boyish energy He waits as Ginny’s sedan pulls up next to the van. Ginny gets out, looking worried:
DICK
Morning!
GINNY
Are you ok?
DICK
Yeah, why?
GINNY
It sounded urgent the phone. I thought—
DICK
Nonono I’m fine. I wanted to show you this.
GINNY
This is yours?
DICK
It is.
Dick goes to the back of the van, hand on the latch:
DICK
You ready for the showcase showdown?
GINNY
Uh
DICK
Open sesame!
Dick slides open the door. The entire interior of the van is filled with a wide assortment of mannequins, all jumbled on top of one another. It’s a sight. Ginny takes a step back, trying to make sense:
GINNY
What the
Oh god
I have chills on every surface of my body.
DICK
I told you to bring a jacket.
GINNY
It’s like a horror movie.
DICK
Don’t worry, it’s a happy ending.
GINNY
What happens?
DICK
I don’t like spoilers.
GINNY
Spoil it. Please, I’d like you to spoil it.
DICK
Isn’t the surprise more fun?
GINNY
Not in this case, no.
DICK
Alright. Well let’s just say it ends with your inheritance quadrupling.
GINNY
Where’d you get these, Dad?
DICK
Neiman.
GINNY
Neiman?
DICK
Neiman.
GINNY
Why is Neiman Marcus selling you mannequins?
DICK
They said everything must go, I assumed everything.
GINNY
They were liquidating?
DICK
Now you’re catching on.
...
It’s not public. Yet. Heard it from Raffi, my suit guy—
GINNY
You have a suit guy—?
DICK
I have a lot of friends you don’t know about.
He told me this morning that the NM men’s department called his shop, offered a bunch of their product wholesale—you know, before the riff raff could get it.
GINNY
So why did he call you?
DICK
He knows I’m a scavenger. I take advantage of a good chance when I see one.
GINNY
Right.
DICK
So I head over to Nieman, poke around, ask the right questions, and it’s true. A perfume gal told me they’re out by the end of next weekend. Place is turning into an indoor driving range, or something.
GINNY
But that doesn’t explain the mannequins.
DICK
Everything must go. I asked, they let me.
Real kind about it too. Met me out back, rolled them all out on a forklift and everything—
GINNY
Ok but why mannequins? Don’t you want the clothes?
DICK
M-m. You don’t see it, do you?
GINNY
I...guess not.
DICK
Online shopping’s king, store rents are massive, and most people don’t want to go anymore.
GINNY
Ok…
DICK
No. Not ok. Neiman liquidating? Neiman frickin Marcus, moving out?
This is the beginning of the end! The full Hindenburg, all of them!
GINNY
All of them?
DICK
Bet on it. You can’t be a department store with no departments. Only a matter of time before the other shoes drop.
…
Am I wrong?
GINNY
No. No it’s…
I guess I’m still confused where the mannequins come in.
DICK
Think through it with me:
The department stores use mannequins.
The online shops don’t use mannequins.
But the department stores are going away so…what happens to the mannequins if the department stores go away?
Then…
GINNY
The mannequins—
DICK
Gone.
And when anything goes away like that, they become relics. Symbols of an era gone by. Vintage, wacko nostalgia, which someone’s always willing to pay for.
And if those someones want a Neiman Marcus authentic, they’ll have to go through me.
...
Or you. I want this to be a generational enterprise. Keep the wealth in the family.
For now, we can tag team it. I was thinking we could unload these, go around, plan the next plunder. I got my eye on a JCPenny up North that—
GINNY
I saw the scans.
Silence. Dick’s boyish energy vanishes:
DICK
What?
GINNY
I saw the scans. Your cardiologist sent them to me.
DICK
How did—
GINNY
I have a lot of friends you don’t know.
…
She was worried. That you wouldn’t rest like she asked.
DICK
I’m fine.
GINNY
You’re weak.
Not you, just your heart. It can’t keep up.
But if you try...if you keep going as fast as you’re going…
I can’t lose you. I can’t let you lose you. Not like this.
Dick closes the doors of the van and leans against the back, staring out.
DICK
My life’s felt fake. So much of it.
Big dreams after empty promises, nothing to show.
And here I am at the end, with the same wild ideas.
Guess I just wanted to really do one. Make a mark. Live a little.
...
Do you blame me?
GINNY
Never.
DICK
So let a guy live.
GINNY
I’m trying. That’s all I’m trying to do.
Ginny opens the driver’s side door. She turns the key in the ignition, starting the engine. Dick walks up to the door, and Ginny rolls down the window:
DICK
Where are you going?
GINNY
Around the corner. I’ve got space in my storage locker, they’ll be safe.
DICK
So is my garage—
GINNY
Dad, please. Let me take care of this.
…
DICK
You promise?
GINNY
I promise.
...
Your heart’s always been in the right place. Time to give it a rest.
Ginny smiles, rolls up the window, shifts gears, and pulls away. Dick watches her go until she’s gone. He slowly turns around, walking up his lawn, towards his house.