Sins
January 25th, 2021
Starring: Mother Mary (female, 45-60), Mr. Christiansen (male, 45-60), Jesús & Rigel (male, 8), Christina (female, 8), rest of Class (8)
A third grade religious school classroom. The class sits in even desk rows, in front of a chalkboard. Mother Mary stands in front.
MOTHER MARY
Good morning, class.
CLASS
Good morning, Mother Mary.
MOTHER MARY
Today, we’re going to learn about the seven deadly sins.
They are:
Mother Mary writes them on the chalkboard:
MOTHER MARY
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Wrath
Pride
Envy
And...Sloth
A single bang at the door.
MOTHER MARY
Ah. Speaking of Sloth…
Mother Mary opens the door. Mr. Christiansen harrumphs in, holding a box:
MOTHER MARY
Good morning Mr. Christiansen.
MR. CHRISTIANSEN
Mother Mary. Class.
MOTHER MARY
Class, Mr. Christiansen is our high school computer teacher. He’s come to visit us with something very special today.
JESÚS
What’s in the box?
MOTHER MARY
Well Jesús, after our chapel renovation, we had some funds left over to invest into our educational resources. So we bought...these!
Mother Mary pulls out a virtual reality headset.
RIGEL
OCULUS!
MOTHER MARY
Rigel! You seem to be familiar. Would you like to be our volunteer?
RIGEL
Yesyesyesyesyes
CHRISTINA
Why is he so happy?
MOTHER MARY
These are virtual reality headsets, Christina. They let you see things as if they were right in front of you.
CLASS
Ooooohhhhh
MOTHER MARY
The problem is class, your brains are growing. You’re overloaded with stimuli, and it’s hard for you to focus. No matter how many ways I can try teaching you essential lessons like these, most of you will end up forgetting.
We believe this technology will help you not only learn, but retain. Because it’s one thing to know something. It’s another to feel it.
Mother Mary straps the headset onto Rigel’s head.
You can go with Mr. Christensen now, Rigel.
MR. CHRISTIANSEN
Uh
Which program, ma’am?
MOTHER MARY
...
Start him on Gluttony.
Mr. Christensen guides Rigel behind the wall of cubbies and backpacks. A few moments of silence, as Mother Mary and the class sit and wait. Suddenly, Rigel begins to shriek:
RIGEL (voice)
AH!
AHHH OH JESUS!
JESUS I’M FAT!
I’M FAT!
I CAN’T FIND MY PEEPEE!!!!
Rigel’s horror continues. Over his yelling, Mother Mary smiles to the class:
MOTHER MARY
Now. Who’s next?