Bar Talk
June 9th, 2020
Starring: Coworker 1 & Coworker 2. Young (enough) professionals
Coworker 1 and Coworker 2 are at a salad bar. We see them go down the line, side by side, facing out, designing their own culinary experiences with the little plastic tongs. Coworker 1 reaches the end of the bar first, drizzling dressing over the top. They give way to Coworker 2, who stands over the dressings, pondering:
COWORKER 2
What dressing did you get?
COWORKER 1
Ranch. What about you?
COWORKER 2
I can’t decide. What’s the difference between the Italian and the Creamy Italian?
COWORKER 1
Cream?
COWORKER 2
It’s gotta be more than that, right?
COWORKER 1
It looks like they just mixed Ranch with Italian.
COWORKER 2
No way.
COWORKER 1
Look at it.
COWORKER 2
Don’t undermine the integrity of the salad bar. This is a good salad bar.
COWORKER 1
You love all salad bars.
COWORKER 2
I do. They’re the freaking best.
COWORKER 1
I agree. I just can’t do a salad bar every day.
COWORKER 2
Honestly, I can.
COWORKER 1
Don’t you?
COWORKER 2
Like four out of five days.
COWORKER 1
Don’t you get tired of it?
COWORKER 2
Never. And that’s the beauty of a salad bar! It’s a different experience every time, so you can’t get tired of it. Today I might want spring mix and mushrooms and mozzarella-stuffed olives and thousand island, and tomorrow I might want baby spinach and beets and shredded carrots and balsamic!
COWORKER 1
...but it’s still salad.
COWORKER 2
Exactly. Like life.
Everyone goes down the line building their own salad, but at the end of the day, no matter what it looks like, it’s still salad.
COWORKER 1
Sure…but not everyone gets full access to the salad bar. Some people get access to the whole thing, some people may get access to like a few sections or dressings, and most people probably aren’t given access to the salad bar at all. Or maybe they’re given like...one pea and told to f-off.
COWORKER 2
No yeah, I know.
Like I know there’s inequity within the salad bar, I was just making a metaphor for the system.
COWORKER 1
Last week you said life was a water park.
COWORKER 2
Do you think life has to be stapled to one metaphor?
COWORKER 1
Not necessarily.
Well, maybe.
It doesn’t really matter, I’m just confused now.
COWORKER 2
Metaphors are supposed to make things less confusing.
COWORKER 1
Exactly.
...
They stare at each other, still hip-to-hip. They could probably keep going, but don’t.
COWORKER 2
I’m picking Italian.
COWORKER 1
Nice choice.
COWORKER 2
Thanks.
Coworker 2 drizzles, a tad aggressively. They both take their trays and move off.
This will be the last lunch they have together.