I ❤ The Whalers
May 10th, 2020
Starring: Lacey (female, 16ish) and Pat (female, late 40’s)
Pat sits in an armchair, watching something off her phone. Lacey’s voice is heard:
LACEY (offstage)
Mom
Mom Mom
Hey Mom
Mom
Mom Mom
Mom Mooom
Mom.
...
Lacey enters, seeing Pat.
Mom?
PAT
What’s up?
LACEY
Could you hear me?
PAT
I’m done screaming across the house. Come find me.
LACEY
I’m here.
PAT
How can I help you?
LACEY
I’m going to pick up my medication.
PAT
Great.
LACEY
Can I use the car?
PAT
Sure.
LACEY
Okay.
What are you doing?
PAT
Screwing around. 87’ Whalers highlights.
LACEY
RIP.
PAT
They’re still my team, dead or alive.
…
LACEY
On a scale of one to ten, how much do you miss hockey?
PAT
I hate “on a scale” questions.
LACEY
…why?
PAT
Because obviously I miss hockey. I don’t know why I have to put a number on it.
LACEY
I don’t get why you’re getting angry about it.
PAT
I’m not angry at all. I’m just saying.
LACEY
Okay.
I’ll be back in a few.
PAT
Be careful, please.
LACEY
Okay.
...
Go Whalers.
PAT
Go Whalers.
Lacey exits. Pat returns to her highlights.