The Gun

September 13th, 2020

Starring: Anton (male), Irene (female), Leo (male)

A parlor room.  Irene sits in a lounger, watching Leo, who sits in a chair, staring out a window.  Anton sits at a desk with a typewriter and a samovar, looking between both of them.  Irene and Leo don’t move, or speak, or really seem to breathe.  Anton just observes, maybe typing a few letters on the typewriter.

After a good while of this, Anton gets up.

ANTON

I’m bored.

Anton leaves.  He pokes his head back in.

ANTON

Please stay still.

Anton leaves, then returns a moment later with a long revolver pistol.  

Anton cocks the hammer and places it on a footstool in between Irene and Leo.

Irene and Leo notice it.  Their eyes widen, but they stay still, as told.

Anton goes back to his desk to observe, occasionally punching on his typewriter.

This goes on for another uncomfortable amount of time.  Once passed, Anton gets up.

ANTON

I’m still bored.

Anton retrieves the gun, uncocks the hammer, and leaves.  He pokes his head back in.

ANTON

Please still stay still.

Another long stretch of silence.

Then, from offstage, the gun goes off.  The bullet rips a large hole in the parlor ceiling, sending debris falling.  It scares the living crap out of Irene and Leo.  They immediately break their stillness and turn to Anton, who’s just reentered holding the revolver, unfazed.

IRENE (overlapping with Leo)

JESUS CHRIST!

THE NERVE OF YOU, THE NERVE

BUTTHOLE

AS IF THIS WASN’T INDECENT ENOUGH

LEO (overlapping with Irene)

WHAT THE HELL ANTON

I HAVE TINNITUS 

I WANT TO MAKE IT TO MY NEXT BIRTHDAY

YOU DON’T DO THAT TO A PERSON

Anton takes in the parade of invective, observing.  Irene and Leo stare back at him, catching their breath.  Anton only grins and runs back to his typewriter.  He looks back up at them, as if they’re suddenly imposters:

ANTON

Well go on.

Get out.

Both of you, out.

He cocks the hammer of the revolver again.  Irene and Leo briskly shuffle to the door.  Anton immediately begins to type furiously.  Irene stops Leo and turns around, watching Anton.

IRENE

Anton?

ANTON (not looking up from typing)

Mmm?

IRENE

What was all that?

Anton looks up at the two of them, but his fingers are still flying all over the keys.

ANTON

Drama.

Pure.  Motherfucking.  Drama. 

Leo and Irene leave, fearful.  Anton continues to write away, cackling like a hyena.

END OF PLAY

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The Ropes

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The Whisperer