The Tollbooth Phantom
December 23rd, 2020
Starring: Collector (40-60), Driver (30-45)
A small state highway toll, out west. Collector sits in their small booth The sound of an engine revving, accompanied with a dust cloud. A minivan pulls up to the window. Driver rolls down their window:
COLLECTOR
A dollar seventy-two.
Driver hands over 7 quarters. Collector returns the favor with three pennies.
DRIVER
So specific.
COLLECTOR
The toll?
DRIVER
Even change would be more efficient.
COLLECTOR
I don’t set the prices.
DRIVER
Someone is.
COLLECTOR
Write your congressman.
DRIVER
Well, I’m only passing through. Thought it was curious.
…
…
Can I ask what you do all day?
COLLECTOR
Make that same exchange hundreds of times.
DRIVER
But you have stretches when noone’s coming. How do you fill that?
COLLECTOR
Working.
DRIVER
No audiobooks, crochet, nothing like that?
COLLECTOR
Just work.
DRIVER
Just work?
COLLECTOR
I like my job.
DRIVER
Sorry, but I don’t buy it. Being human is wanting something else inside. Bigger, better.
A penny for your thoughts.
Three pennies.
Driver holds out the pennies. Collector hesitates, then takes them.
COLLECTOR
Well…
I’ve been writing this novel.
DRIVER
It all comes out. Fiction?
COLLECTOR
Yes. A horror-sci-fi kind of thing.
DRIVER
What about?
COLLECTOR
This driver who drives across the country, terrorizing toll booths.
DRIVER
Hm. Like robbing them?
COLLECTOR
In a way. They’re actually a hellmouth phantom sent to collect the collectors’ souls and make them feel miserable, sending them into fits of insanity.
DRIVER
Sounds spooky.
COLLECTOR
Oh yes. But there’s one collector who’s prepared for the phantom.
DRIVER
Like with an amulet, or something?
COLLECTOR
No, just a really heavy crowbar.
…
Like this one.
Collector pulls out a heavy crowbar, with a clang:
DRIVER
Ah.
So then what happens?
COLLECTOR
And then…?
I don’t know. Haven’t gotten there yet.
Any ideas?
DRIVER
Um
Maybe the phantom notices and decides to keep going?
COLLECTOR
Not bad. I’ll keep it in mind.
…
…
DRIVER
Well I should be on my way. Look forward to reading it someday.
COLLECTOR
I hope you do too.
You drive safe now.
Driver rolls up their window and speeds away. Collector closes the window and watches the dust trail, laughing like an idiot.