Canary Parka
January 3rd, 2021
Starring: A & B
Closet cleanout. On A’s side, there are a few assorted items in a pile on the floor. On B’s side, none. A slides a bright yellow coat off a hangar and holds it up to B:
A
Do you think it might be time to move on?
B
My canary parka? It’s an essential.
A
But it’s so gaudy. You never wear it.
B
That’s its power. It’s completely useless most of the time, but for those special once-or-twice-a-year instances, it’s exactly the thing I need.
A
We rarely get a drizzle.
B
But on that day it downpours?
A
You’d use your brown slicker.
B
But what if I need to stand out? What if it’s a rain delayed baseball game and you’re looking for me in the stands? What if I’m entered into an office Paddington Bear lookalike competition? What if it’s a Saturday and I need the mail person to see me running towards them in their rearview mirror, holding a letter I need delivered by Monday?
A
Our city has no baseball team, you’re retired, and you’ve never forgotten to put the flag up on the mailbox.
B
Ah, but life always finds a way to insert the least expected. And should it, I’ll be prepared.
A
You don’t need it.
B
Okay, I want it. I want everything here. You should want everything of yours too.
A
But should we want everything? Isn’t that desire the problem?
B
Not if everything has a use. It’s a shift in the mindset. Look at your throwaways:
Those shoes? Move like a dream on wedding dancefloors.
That scarf? Perfect for the dog on the holiday card.
Patchwork overalls? Vintage denim’s always in.
A
And this Kerry/Edwards ‘04 sweatshirt?
…
B
Let’s call it nostalgia. Simpler times.
See? Nothing can be materialistic if it’s utilitarian.
In fact…I’m feeling pretty patriotic today.
B pulls on the sweatshirt and marches around the closet, holding a salute:
A
I hate us so much.
B
USA! USA! USA!