Hard Knocks

April 1st, 2021

Starring: Teach (late 20’s/early 30’s), Agent (late 20’s/early 30’s)

The front door of Teach & Agent’s one bedroom rental home/apartment, late afternoon.  Teach, still in their school attire, walks their bike up to the door, helmet still strapped on.  They put the bike up against the wall, then go into their pocket for their key.  It’s nowhere to be found.  Teach wants to yell, but can only muster an eye roll.  They go to the door and knock sharply.  No answer.  Then another two times, a bit louder.  Then a third.  Teach then takes out their phone and calls Agent.  No answer there.  Truly at wits end, Teach proceeds to pound on the door until their fist hurts.  Still nothing.  They slump in the doorway, forced to wait.

Maybe a minute later, the door opens.  Agent appears: Hair wet, half-dressed in casual clothing, half-dressed in dressy clothing.

AGENT 

I heard you. 

I was in the shower— 

TEACH 

Where are you headed? 

AGENT 

Open house tonight. 

TEACH 

Right that’s tonight. 

AGENT 

And I’m running late. 

Agent walks back in the house.  Teach grabs their bike and walks in, putting it against the wall and collapsing into a kitchen chair.  Throughout the following, Agent is walking around the place, finishing getting ready to go:

AGENT 

Where was your key—? 

TEACH 

I left it on my desk.  I hope. 

AGENT 

One of those days huh? 

TEACH 

Yeah, no.  Things aren’t good. 

AGENT 

Quick, what’s the best of the worst? 

TEACH 

I think they’re cheating.   

AGENT 

All of them? 

TEACH 

All of them, in some way.  They're either using notes or texting answers or googling, because everyone’s doing better.  The class average is a quantum higher than it used to be. 

AGENT 

Maybe you’re just teaching them better. 

TEACH 

I’m not teaching them squat.  I’m alone in the classroom babbling like a paranoid schizophrenic, hoping someone’s listening.  Nobody’s learning anything, nobody’s saying anything, but don't worry, everybody’s scoring great! 

AGENT 

Then call them out.  Talk to the administrators, investigate. 

TEACH 

I still can’t prove it.  It’s sixth grade, how would you even...?   

Plus the admins don't give a damn at this point.  They’re only concerned if kids are logged on and passing.  Survive the year and wait for the Fall, that’s the big formula. 

AGENT 

So that’s your solution?  Go down with the ship? 

TEACH 

Honestly?  Yeah.   

If they don’t wanna learn, I don’t have to make them.  The negatives cancel out. 

… 

AGENT 

Should I respond to that?  Or should I just let you be vulnerable? 

Teach leans back in the chair, closing their eyes:

TEACH 

The latter.  Had my share of lessons today. 

AGENT 

Good.  Because that was ridiculous, and I gotta go. 

Teach smiles, eyes still closed, tiring fast.  Agent gathers the last of their stuff and stands by the door:

AGENT 

Bye. 

TEACH 

Bye.  Go sell a house for me. 

AGENT 

Enjoy nappytime. 

TEACH 

Mmm. 

Agent opens the door and walks out.  They give it two light knocks, then closes and leaves.  Teach soon drifts off to sleep: Leaned back, mouth open, snoring ever so slightly.

END OF PLAY

Previous
Previous

The Hills

Next
Next

Mother Tongue