The Hills

April 2nd, 2021

Starring:  Romulus and Remus (male, 20-30)

753 BC.  A steep rocky outcrop, overlooking a valley below.  There’s a few tall hills, with a river running through the land.  Romulus appears, staring out with wonder.  He shouts backwards:

ROMULUS

Rem—!

REMUS (voice)

What?

ROMULUS

Come here!

REMUS (voice)

My sandal broke—

ROMULUS

Right now!!

Remus appears, holding his broken sandal.  Romulus points to one of the taller hills.

ROMULUS

There.

That hill.

You see it, right?

REMUS

Mmm...

ROMULUS

That’s it.  That’s our spot.

No?

REMUS

Uh

ROMULUS

Don’t tell me you’re not in on this.

REMUS

I mean it’s...it’s not bad.

ROMULUS

Not bad?  What’s bad about it?

You can’t even name one thing.

REMUS

You’re not letting me think.

ROMULUS

If you have to think, there’s your answer!  Accept you feel it too!

REMUS

I do feel something.  I’m just not sure that’s it.  Like that hill’s THE spot.

ROMULUS

Why?

REMUS

We can’t start an entire city on feeling.  There’s criteria.  Logical pillars to successful civilization.

ROMULUS

There’s water, high ground, land to grow.  Weather’s nice, no invaders.

What box is this not checking?

REMUS

Something’s still telling me no.

ROMULUS

What?

REMUS

I don’t know.

ROMULUS

I do.

...

It’s because I found it.

REMUS

No—

ROMULUS

Keep denying it, that’s fine.

REMUS

That’s not it—

ROMULUS

But you know it is.  I found it, and that flares up your insecurities—

REMUS

That’s not—

ROMULUS

It’s sad.  

REMUS

Stop—

ROMULUS

This is a win for both of us.  We can share it, why can’t we share it?

REMUS

It’s not even..!

Do you know what it is?  It’s the hill.  

ROMULUS

Oh the hill?

REMUS

Yep.  That hill’s a little too close to the river for my taste.

ROMULUS

Hmm.  Funny how you thought of that now.

REMUS

Well I happened to.  The only thing is the hill.

ROMULUS

Okay.  So where would you put it? 

REMUS (pointing to the other taller hill)

Um

How about that one?

...

ROMULUS

Wow.

REMUS

We’ll get more sun—

ROMULUS

You dirty sociopath.

REMUS

That’s logical!

ROMULUS

You’re insane!  First you veto the perfect spot out of pure jealousy, then you lie about not being jealous, and then, when you’re caught in the lie, you try to dig yourself out by recommending a different spot so you can get all the credit!  

Unbelievable.  Unbelievable.

Romulus starts to walk away:

REMUS

Where are you going?

ROMULUS

I’m done, you win.  Seriously.  You’re the guy to do it.

REMUS

I thought we were gonna rule together…

ROMULUS

Really?  Like that’s ever worked ever?  

...

It was always going to be one of us.  You proved it.  

REMUS

What did I prove?

ROMULUS

That you’ve got the guts.  That you’ll undermine and be selfish and deny deny deny until you get exactly what you want.  That’s what a leader should be.  

REMUS

But I don’t want to be that.  I’m not that I’m—I want to do this with you.  50/50, the head and the heart.

ROMULUS

It’s not happening.  I don’t have the instinct.

It’s got to be you.

Remus thinks, then slowly nods.  He walks to the edge of the outcrop, overlooking the valley.  Romulus comes up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

REMUS

You were right.  

I’m really starting to see it.

ROMULUS

No better place.

All it needs is a name.

REMUS

What do you think?

ROMULUS

Hm.

How about Remia? 

REMUS

Remia?  After me?

ROMULUS

Why not?  It’s your spot.

REMUS

Remia it is.

...

I’m sorry, brother.  

ROMULUS

Yeah.  I am too.

With that, Romulus pushes Remus off the outcrop.  Remus falls into the valley, screaming.  Romulus turns away before seeing his brother hit the ground.  He picks up Remus' broken sandal off the ground.  He looks at it a tad mournfully, then flings it off the outcrop too.  Romulus starts to walk down the ledge, headed towards the first hill.  His hill.  To Rome.

END OF PLAY

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