Tails
April 4th, 2021
Starring: Dev (male, late 20’s/30)
A cemetery. The same grave plot, the same day. Dev (in a dark suit), stands at the same spot as his sister did.
DEV
I never knew if he liked me.
...
I knew he loved me. He loved me in the sense that I was his offspring.
But I wasn’t sure he liked to love me. Like I was the grandkid who gave him the full joy of being a grandparent.
I’m not sure how you’d quantify that but
Not like Lin.
…
He was a closed book. In every memory, his buttons buttoned, opinions sealed, study door shut. Boundaries not to cross. This was Grandpa, after all. He was the guy. Respect was a way of showing love.
I thought I would outgrow the intimidation. That our relationship would change as we did. Formality into kinship, mystery into mutual understanding.
Even in all our good times, we never got there. My brain got stuck, sandwiched between Grandpa the myth and Grandpa the man.
I sold him short. I never brought out his best, offered him the chance to surprise me. To change. Maybe I…I don’t think I wanted him to.
…
By the time it all hit me, he was dying. Fast, and uncomfortably. Seeing him could only inspire guilt, so I steered clear.
But then he called for me. Specifically for me, alone.
He was lucid. Almost too much. I didn’t understand he—he wouldn’t stop talking! He was saying things—things about his youth, the world, his life. I just listened. Tried to bear witness.
He kept going back to this one moment. There was a Summer when he hitchhiked across the whole country. He wore one pair of jeans the whole way, held up by a big silver belt buckle. So he was riding in a truck through New Mexico when they picked up some salesman. The guy never looked at him, just stared at the buckle. He asked for it, and promised something priceless in return.
Callum reaches into his suit jacket pocket and takes out a cigar case. He takes out a coin, holding it between his fingers:
Lady Liberty. Defunct from 1877.
It was valueless. Far less than his belt buckle. But he made the swap. He insisted God had told him to. That it would give him the life he wanted.
Then he put it in my hand. All that time, it had been in his palm.
...
Who cares what was true. He wanted me to want it. To hold onto that part of him.
Priceless.
…
He did. He did like to love me. I felt it right then, all at once. Right at the tail end.