The Privligées (Part 1)
January 13th, 2021
Starring: Mom (female, late 30’s/early 40’s), Dad (male, late 30’s/early 40’s), Twin 1 & Twin 2 (16)
Mid-America. A standard, ho-hum ranch house. The Twins’ room. They’re sitting on their twin beds, playing the video game Mortal Kombat, beating the pulp out of one another. A knock at the door. Mom and Dad enter:
DAD
Can we come in?
The Twins pause the game. Mom and Dad come in.
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
What’s up?
DAD
We’re having guests stay with us tomorrow night. Family friends.
TWIN 1
Who? The Kingstons?
TWIN 2
The Tsais?
TWIN 1
The Mullenses?
TWIN 2
I can’t think of any more.
TWIN 1
Yeah I think that’s it—
MOM
Sure we do, you’re only thinking local.
DAD
Come on. Our coastal buddies.
The Priviligées.
…
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
The Privligées?!
DAD
Just for one night. They’re on a cross-country road trip extravaganza.
TWIN 1
On a road trip? Like...they’re choosing to drive?
MOM
Yes. Occasionally it’s what the Priviligées prefer.
TWIN 2
But we’re in a flyover state—
DAD
You’d think they’d hate it, but they don’t!
TWIN 1
They got sick the last time.
DAD
Oh, they were just adjusting to the water. Tru and Mad love it here! Life’s so quaint and straight, it brings them a fresh perspective. They leave feeling better about being Priviligées!
MOM
After all, it’s only a small dose. They’re only passing through.
TWIN 2
What about the turtles?
MOM
Yes, Blanche and Vanilli will be here too. They’ll need space for the tank in your bathroom.
DAD
Which is why we’ll need you to move out.
TWIN 1
But—
MOM
No butts—
TWIN 2
But—
MOM
Either cheek! It’s the only other bedroom we have. You’ll manage on the couch.
TWIN 1
You’re giving them the trundle bed?
DAD
The Priviligées are our guests. They expect to feel at home, and home means a bed and a bath, not couch crashing. They’re in your room. That’s final.
TWIN 2
So why can’t we stay at the Tsais? They have a futon in their living room.
DAD
We need you here.
TWIN 1
Why?
MOM
We need to show you two off.
TWIN 2
Show us off?
MOM
Yes. You’re the one thing we have and the Privligées don’t.
TWIN 1
So what? The Priviligées don’t want kids.
TWIN 2
Yeah. They want their money for silent auctions and turtle-safe algae pastries.
DAD
Not true. They’re still trying—
MOM
That’s private—!
DAD
uh...you didn’t hear that.
MOM
What you did hear is that we expect you to set a good example. Not only for your father and I, but the stock we come from. We’re not here to add to their assumptions. Is that understood?
Is that understood?
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
Yes ma’am.
MOM
That’s better. Now get to bed. I need you up and out of here early to clean.
DAD
We appreciate it. We promise, it’ll be over before you know it. Try to enjoy?
MOM
‘Night.
DAD
‘Night.
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
‘Night.
Mom and Dad turn off the lights and leave. The Twins stay sitting up, in the dark.
TWIN 1
Dad’s right. We should have fun.
...
You thinking what I’m thinking?
TWIN 2
No. Twin telepathy is bs.
TWIN 1
Bet you could still get it.
…
TWIN 2
Do we have paint in the garage?
TWIN 1
Ding ding ding.
TWIN 2
Nailed it.
…
…
Let’s prep for battle.
The twins slide out of bed and into the dark, on their tiptoes…