The Privligées (Part 2)
January 14th, 2021
Starring: Mom (female, late 30’s/early 40’s), Dad (male, late 30’s/early 40’s), Tru (male, late 30’s/early 40’s), Mad (female, late 30’s/early 40’s), Twin 1 & Twin 2 (16)
The following evening. The dinner table. Mom and Dad sit on one side, Tru and Mad on the other, and one twin at each of the ends. Everyone’s just sitting down:
MOM
I hope the bed’s not too much trouble—
MAD
Oh nononono.
DAD
We know it isn’t the sturdiest—
TRU
Nono, it’s quite comfortable, for what it is. It’s like we’re on Antiques Roadshow.
MAD
In a good way, in a good way. Food looks masterful, as always.
TRU
Are you a grace family? I forget—
DAD
Usually—
MOM
Tonight, it’s more important that the guests start.
TRU
Well...then bon appetít!
Tru and Mad take their first bites, and everyone else follows.
TRU
Mmmmm
MAD
The mac and cheese is wonderful.
TRU
Really taste the cream!
MAD
Remind me, is this a family recipe?
DAD
Uh
MOM
Yes. From way back.
Uncle Sam’s—
TWIN 1/TWIN 2 (under breaths)
Club—
MOM
Bless you—
TRU
Yes, bless you. Bless all of you. Breaking bread with old compatriots really lifts the soul.
MAD
It’s been too long since we’ve last been around—
TRU
But you know how busyness can go—
MAD
So easy to lose touch in the fray of it all—
TRU
But so wonderful to be back. You forget how little changes around here.
But you two—
MAD
The twins. Goodness, have you two grown up!
TRU
Used to be such a talkative little duo.
MOM
Oh believe me, they talk.
DAD
We tried packing them with manners before they head off.
MAD
Ah! And have we settled on any college aspirations?
MOM
We’re just starting to think about it.
MAD
Do tell.
…
MOM
Twins?
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
Mm?
MOM
Care to speak up?
TWIN 1
Uh
I like art. Oil painting. So probably community college while I figure that out. Or state, if there’s aid.
TWIN 2
Uh
Maybe State too? But plan A is trade school. Welding.
…
TRU
Those sound like some wonderful options.
MAD
An artist and a handyman. How wonderful!
TRU
So different. Nothing out of state? There are some great institutions out near us.
MAD
I know a former admissions person at Berkeley. Schools like that would lap you two right up.
TWIN 1
It’s more of a price problem.
TRU
Ah, but there’s money out there. I’m sure you’d qualify. Call me naive, but it’s hard to put a price on a good education.
TWIN 2
But they do.
MAD
Whatever the case, I’m glad you both found some true passions.
TRU
Your parents must be proud.
MAD
Of course they are—
TRU
Family’s all there is, at the end of the day.
…
TRU
Mad?
MAD
Tru?
TRU
Don’t you want to tell them?
MAD
Well I didn’t know if we—
TRU
Mad’s pregnant!
A short pause. Mom and Dad play up the surprise:
DAD
Wow!
MOM
Oh my, that’s beautiful! Isn’t that beautiful?!
TWIN 1
Congratulations—
TWIN 2
Congratulations—
MAD
Thank you and thank you. Been quite the journey. Ten years!
TRU
We went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth on whether to keep trying, but we decided it was that important to give back to the world.
Don’t get us wrong, Blanche and Vanilli are our babies, but they’re not a baby.
MAD
But in eight months, we’ll finally be able to say we have it all!
MOM
Fabulous—!
DAD
Warms the heart!
TWIN 1
What about chromosome mutation?
…
TRU
Chromosome mutation?
TWIN 1
Yeah. We’re learning about it in biology right now.
TWIN 2
Super interesting, actually—
MOM
Hey—
TWIN 1
How sometimes there’s a mess-up in the gene code—
DAD
They don’t need to hear about—
TWIN 2
Babies can have some serious defects—
TWIN 1
And the older the couple, the higher the chance there’s—
MOM
Cut it out!
MAD
Nono, it’s alright. We know there’s a lot of risk in what we’re doing.
TRU
We’ve talked to our team of doctors, and we’re going through with it.
MOM
And that’s beautiful—
TWIN 2
But what if the baby keeps developing and there’s a defect?
TWIN 1
And you knew it was going to have a hard life?
TWIN 2
Would you um—you know...still keep it?
…
…
MOM
You’re excused.
TWIN 2
What?
MOM
You’re excused.
TWIN 1
We don’t have a room—
MOM
I don’t care. Go.
The Twins get up and go, trying to hide their smirks. Mom and Dad and Tru and Mad stare down at their mac and cheeses.
MOM
Told you they could talk.
TRU
They’ve changed a lot since I last remembered.
MOM
I am so so sorry—
TRU
Quite alright—
MAD
Really. It is.
We understand how they might not....
DAD
Not what?
MAD
Understand. How there’s a…a right to choose.
…
DAD
Who says we don’t?
TRU
Well
You raised them to believe in god.
And you were 17 when you had them...and you still had them so...
DAD
So…?
MAD
So we get how you get there’s one option.
TRU
And even though we disagree with you, we still accept you.
…
DAD
Oh
We...we really aren’t.
Who do you think we—
Under the table, Mom steps on Dad’s foot:
MOM
What we’re trying to say is thank you. Sorry for all the misunderstandings.
DAD
And congratulations. Mainly congratulations.
…
MOM
Can we move on? Some dessert, maybe?
…
TRU
Dessert sounds lovely.
MAD
Do you mind if I check on the turtles first?
MOM
Meet us in the kitchen!
Mad walks off to the bedroom. Mom, Dad, and Tru walk into the kitchen.
TRU
Nothing a little apple pie can’t solve, eh?
MOM
I was thinking the same.
Hon, will you get it out?
Dad opens the fridge. As it happens:
MAD (voice)
Tru? Tru? Did you move the turtles??
TRU
Pardon?!
Dad pulls out the pie. Blanche and Vanilli are stuck in the pie.
“I ❤ Pro-Life” is painted on Blanche’s shell.
“Child, Not a Choice” is painted on Vanilli’s.
Silence, then terror:
TRU
Holy—
DAD
Oh no—
MOM
WHERE ARE THEY?!
MAD (voice)
WHERE ARE MY BABIES?!
From behind the couch, the Twins poke their heads out, stupidly grinning. They look at the other:
TWIN 1/TWIN 2
Run.