Travels
April 12th, 2021
Starring: The Chef (45-60), The Pilot (45-60)
An international airport bathroom. The Chef is in a stall, unseen, vomiting. Stomach bugs are not a pretty soundscape.
Thankfully, the sounds stop. Jet lagged, pale, and shaky, The Chef emerges, staring at themselves in the mirror. They begin to wash their hands and face.
The Pilot enters, tugging along their briefcase/carry-on combo roller set. They stop at another sink to wash their hands. They look over at the chef, then do a mini double-take. Throughout the following, The Chef attempts to hold it together, trying to stay polite and presentable:
THE PILOT
Um
Wait you’re—
You’re the—
The food.
THE CHEF
Yeah
THE PILOT
The travel food show.
THE CHEF
That’s me
…
THE PILOT
Wow.
So are you um...on your way someplace?
THE CHEF
Just getting back
THE PILOT
Ah, where from?
THE CHEF
Georgia
THE PILOT
Really? I’m based out of Atlanta—
THE CHEF
No Georgia
The uh
The country
THE PILOT
Oh, ohohoh—
THE CHEF
Near Russia—
THE PILOT
Rightrightright. Sheesh.
Eat some good stuff over there?
THE CHEF
It was interesting
THE PILOT
Heh, I bet.
…
…
I really do watch you a lot. My last flight’s done at 10ish usually, but I’m back out early next morning, so I’m stuck in the hotel. Get that per diem room service, boot up those food channel marathons, you know.
I’ll just be there in a Milwaukee airport hotel watching you eat some crazy noodle dish in Indonesia until I fall asleep.
…
Anyways
Seems like a good thing you got going.
THE CHEF
I
I’m blessed
THE PILOT
Oh yeah, I am too. All the travel, huge blessing.
It’s not travel like your travel but uh...it’s good for me.
The experience is letting people have the experience. You know what I mean?
THE CHEF (hiccuping)
Mm.
THE PILOT
That’s why I respect you though. You go out there, and you have the real experience. For those who can’t.
The Chef looks very ill again, clammy and sweaty. The Pilot stares:
THE PILOT
You alright?
THE CHEF
Uh...yeah
No I’m just
humbled
THE PILOT
Oh.
Well I mean it.
…
Do you think I could get a selfie?
My kids would—
THE CHEF
Suresure
The Pilot pulls out their phone and holds it up. The Chef barely manages to make a smile, making a peace sign with one hand, holding their abdomen with the other. The Pilot pockets the phone and grabs their luggage.
THE PILOT
Well...it was amazing meeting you.
Um
Stay well
THE CHEF
Safe travels
THE PILOT
Oh yes! Yes. Always.
The Pilot nods, smiles, and rolls out of the bathroom.
A moment after they leave, The Chef leans over and lets loose a salvo of vomit into the sink.
They take a breath, then paper towel, wet it, and pat down their face, breathing heavily. The Chef stares back up at their reflection again.
THE CHEF
I quit.