Bang
May 7th, 2020
Starring: Hunt and Hunter
A deer blind, in a tree. Hunt and Hunter sit there, in full camo gear, watching and waiting. Hunt has binoculars. Hunter has a rifle.
HUNT
My nose is on fire.
It’s this pollen. We picked the wrong tree.
HUNTER
We’re up the right one. The deer go apeshit for those bushes.
HUNT
None yet.
HUNTER
We’ve got all day. It’s wonderful.
…
HUNT
What’s your greatest fear?
HUNTER
Blindness.
HUNT
Mine’s going deaf.
HUNTER
No kidding.
HUNT
None at all.
…
In the calm, collected silence, Hunt lets go a massive sneeze.
Hunter, startled, fires the rifle. The gun goes off in Hunt’s ear. The gun kicks back into Hunter’s eye.
Ow.
HUNT (yelling)
I see a deer!
HUNTER
It hurts.
HUNT (yelling)
What?
HUNTER
It hurts!
HUNT (yelling)
What?
HUNTER
It hurts!!!!
HUNT (yelling)
What hurts!!!!!!!!!?????
HUNTER
The irony.