Pruning
April 25th, 2020
Starring: Neighbor 1 & Neighbor 2 (30+)
A 10 foot tall hedge, in between two homes. On one side stands Neighbor 1, using hedge clippers. On the other stands Neighbor 2, also using hedge clippers. They shouldn’t be able to see the other.
NEIGHBOR 2
Nice home you got.
NEIGHBOR 1
What?
NEIGHBOR 2
I said, nice home you got.
NEIGHBOR 1
Who’s speaking?
NEIGHBOR 2
It’s me. Your neighbor.
NEIGHBOR 1
Ah. Have we met before?
NEIGHBOR 2
I don’t believe so. But I do know I’m your neighbor.
NEIGHBOR 1
Yes, you are. And I’m your neighbor.
NEIGHBOR 2
You are! Look at us, eh!
…
So what do you think?
NEIGHBOR 1
What’s that, neighbor?
NEIGHBOR 2
My home. You like it?
Neighbor 1 stops hedging and looks up at Neighbor 2’s house.
NEIGHBOR 1
Well, sure.
The siding adds a lot of dimension.
The shingles are bold, yet tasteful.
And I’m jealous of your diving board.
NEIGHBOR 2
Aha! I figured.
…
Do you like my home?
NEIGHBOR 2
I do, neighbor.
NEIGHBOR 1
What’s nice about it?
Neighbor 2 looks up at Neighbor 1’s house.
NEIGHBOR 2
Well, I like the pillars out front.
The stone really makes the windows pop.
And I’d kill for a couple of those skylights.
NEIGHBOR 1
Hehe, well good luck with that!
…
Is yours nice on the inside, too?
NEIGHBOR 2
The inside?
Nope. Yours?
NEIGHBOR 1
Absolute shithole.
…
NEIGHBOR 2
Well, I just wanted to introduce myself.
NEIGHBOR 1
I appreciate that, neighbor.
…
NEIGHBOR 2
Hey neighbor?
NEIGHBOR 1
Ya?
NEIGHBOR 2
Do you think I could borrow some sugar?
Just a cup? Could really use some.
NEIGHBOR 1
Oh.
...
I would neighbor. I really would.
But I just ran out.
...
On any other day—
NEIGHBOR 2
No, no, that’s alright, that’s alright.
Appreciate you all the same.
Enjoy your skylights!
NEIGHBOR 1
And you your diving board!
They return to their hedging. They occasionally step back, stealing glances at each other’s houses.