Favors
June 14th, 2020
Starring: Uncle G (male, late 40’s/early 50’s), Charlie (male, early 20’s)
Uncle G’s office. Something corporate and very leather. He wears noise cancelling headphones and is in flow state. Charlie knocks on the door and peeks in, still unseen or heard by Uncle G.
Charlie kind of bends down to desk level, trying to catch his Uncle’s eyes. He does so. Uncle G takes his headphones off and stares at his nephew.
UNCLE G
Good afternoon, Charles.
CHARLIE
Hey, Uncle G. You busy?
UNCLE G
Yep.
CHARLIE
Well I was in the area, thought I’d drop off a grain bowl.
UNCLE G
Did my assistant see you?
CHARLIE
He’s watching cooking videos.
UNCLE G
God damn it.
Avuncular piece of advice, never have an assistant who wants to do something else with their life. Poor bastard wants to be the next Bobby Flay, or something.
CHARLIE
So he makes your lunches?
UNCLE G
No, my chef does. Shut the door.
...
You get two minutes.
CHARLIE
Well I was just swinging by. No agenda.
UNCLE G
Then get out.
CHARLIE
Okay well now that you mention it...I was just wondering about the whole internship thing? If there was like a state of affairs or status report or something?
UNCLE G
Do you realize how dumb you sound when you try to sound smart?
CHARLIE
That’s probably good feedback…
But still are there any new updates or—
UNCLE G
H/R is bringing someone in tomorrow. Final round.
CHARLIE
They are?
UNCLE G
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Who?
UNCLE G
I don’t know. Some fresh-faced Ivy-league kid. Highly ranked fencer, or something?
CHARLIE
Nice resume?
UNCLE G
Prettier than yours, that’s for sure.
…
CHARLIE
...I’m kind of confused.
UNCLE G
I think I’m being pretty clear, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Sure, right...and I’m sorry like I’m not super in on how the whole system works.
I just thought there was kind of an agreement that I was gonna get the internship.
Like my Dad told me that you said I was.
UNCLE G
Right.
CHARLIE
Okay….so why are you bringing in the fencing guy?
UNCLE G
“Nobody likes a naked nepotism. Put some clothes on that sonuvabitch.”
CHARLIE
Who said that?
UNCLE G
Seriously?
CHARLIE
I don’t know quotes...
UNCLE G
Sam Walton. Look him up.
CHARLIE
Will do.
...
But I am gonna get it, right?
UNCLE G
Time’s up. Sorry bud.
CHARLIE
No that’s ok. I’m glad I came by.
UNCLE G
A pleasure.
CHARLIE
Bye Uncle G.
…
Do you want the grain bowl?
UNCLE G
I’m Keto.
CHARLIE
Oh shoot. Right.
See ya.
Charlie exits. Uncle G puts back in his headphones and resumes his flow, as if he’s only just paused to swat a mosquito.