K27
May 3rd, 2020
Starring: Commander Zarick, Bleeckman, DuPont, Kürda, and 503 (robot)
The spaceship K27, in a distant galaxy. The control deck.
The ship is under attack. Blinking lights, whizzing sirens, pipes leaking, debris falling.
A complete shitshow. And yet, everyone is at their stations, calm.
COMMANDER ZARICK
Current altitude, Bleeckman?
BLEECKMAN
188 and falling, commander.
COMMANDER ZARICK
Shield levels, DuPont?
DUPONT
9%, commander.
COMMANDER ZARICK
Operational engines, Kürda?
KURDA
Just the one, commander.
COMMANDER ZARICK
And our light speed fuel reserves, 503?
503
What light speed fuel reserves?
COMMANDER ZARICK
Excellent. Can I get three deep breaths from everyone?
Everyone closes their eyes and takes three deep breaths.
503, the button.
503
Are you sure, commander?
BLEECKMAN
But...it’s the panic button.
DUPONT
And we’ve never hit the panic button.
KURDA
We don’t even know what it does...
503
Well...we’re about to find out.
Dodging a falling cooling vent, 503 slides open a door with a big “caution” triangle on it. There’s a big red button with the words “IN CASE OF PANIC ONLY”
503
On your go, commander.
COMMANDER ZARICK
Buckle up everybody.
503? Punch it.
503 hits the button. Nothing happens for a few seconds. Then, lights shift to flashing neon. Jazzy party music turns on. Balloons come from everywhere. Finally, a lime green piñata in the shape of an alien drops from the ceiling. The crew takes it in.
BLEEKMAN
Ah.
DUPONT
Oh.
KURDA
O.
503
Permission to panic, commander?
…
COMMANDER ZARICK
Granted.
They start panicking. The ship continues to beep, whizz, leak, and deteriorate, but the party rages on.