Live Up
June 27th, 2020
Starring: Actor (male, any age)
Actor sits on a stool, or an acting block. He takes a moment looking down, taking a breath, then looks up and begins performing:
ACTOR
“I was gonna run last night. I was gonna run and keep right on running. Clear to the Iowa border. I drove all night with the windows open. The old man’s two bucks flapping right on the seat beside me. It never stopped raining the whole time. Never stopped once. I could see myself in the windshield. My face. My eyes. I studied my face. Studied everything about it as though I was looking at another man. As though I could see his whole race behind him. Like a mummy’s face. I saw him dead and alive at the same time. In the same breath. In the windshield I watched him breathe as though he was frozen in time and every breath marked him. Marked him forever without him knowing. And then his face changed. His face became his father’s face. Same bones. Same eyes. Same nose. Same breath. And his father's face changed to his grandfather’s face. And it went on like that. Changing. Clear on back to faces I’d never seen before but still recognized. Still recognized the bones underneath. Same eyes. Same mouth. Same breath. I followed my family clear into Iowa. Every last one. Straight into the corn belt and further. Straight back as far as they’d take me. Then it all dissolved. Everything dissolved. Just like that. And that two bucks kept right on flapping on the seat beside me.”
...
…
How was it?
...
I didn’t write that. That’s from Buried Child. The play.
My acting coach said it would help me deepen my emotional range. Like when I’m acting, she can’t fully believe it yet because I’m still a little too closed off. And I’m like, yeah, that’s why I want to act.
So I guess this is the piece she gives with actors who struggle with that. Because the imagery is very clear and vivid and everyone has a dad in some way.
So I worked on it a lot. And I was prepared. And when I performed it in class, I tried doing the thing where I really tried to see what the character’s seeing. So when I got to the part about seeing my face, I really saw my face, and when I saw my dad, I really saw my dad, and my grandpa, and so on. And even when I got to the part where I had to see beyond that, I still found a way to visualize someone. Like I saw what my great great grandpa looked like, even if I never saw a picture. And when I was done, I felt I had dissected myself. I had been cut open and saw the people who made me. And that was like...super powerful.
So when my teacher asked me how I felt, I told her the same thing. And she was happy for me. She was, but I knew she still didn’t really believe it yet. I could tell.
So at this point, I’m confused. I feel like I’ve felt the thing I needed to feel, but I don’t know how to make it better. But I want to live up to the words. The people in the words. They deserve that.
So I’m going to keep trying. Because I want you to believe it.