The Canned Tour
May 31st, 2020
Starring: Bunkerman (male, 30-60)
A doomsday bunker, location unknown. It’s nice. It probably cost way more than you have. Bunkerman knows this. Bunkerman stands in the kitchen area, beaming, holding a video cam.
Sup peeps.
I’m bunkerman, and welcome to my crib.
Jkjkjk.
So I’ve been getting a lot of requests to talk about my setup, specifically what I like to buy, and how I keep it organized, all that, so I thought I’d make a little info vlog tour to fill you in....
Bunkerman opens the first industrial grade cabinet. All cans.
So I call this first area here the Jolly Green Giant Hut. This is where I’m putting all my veggie stuff, the spinach, the broccoli, the peas, all that jazz. Oh, and baby corn. I try to keep about 15-20 of each, and about double that for the baby corn. Because you can never have enough baby corn.
Opening the next cabinet, right below. Also all cans.
This next area is Boston, AKA Beantown. This is where we store our cannelinis, kidneys, pintos, that good stuff. Color coded, and I usually stick with Goya. 25 of each.
The next cabinet is filled with massive potato sack sized bags.
Here’s the rice bowl. I’ve got 50 pound bags of white, brown, and sticky right here, and in my cellar, I’ve got a couple more lying around. A lot of people were wondering if I’m on the cous cous train, and if you are, I’d get off on the next stop. That stuff couldn’t fill you up if it tried, and that’s a nono down here.
Next, a double doored cabinet with perfectly stacked pasta boxes.
Here’s the pasta house. Pretty much what you see. We’re stacked 8X8, all the way back. As for my rec here, I’d say Barilla linguine or bust, bitches. Best bang for your buck.
Next area, more cans.
The soup kitchen. Got pretty much every protein and style covered, from Italian Wedding to Lobster Bisque. Big fan of the Progresso “light” line of products, because the last thing you want from a soup is excess sodium, ya know what I mean? It’s not that worth it.
Except, of course...
In what appears to be the largest, three tiered cabinet, Bunkerman reveals stacks of Campbell’s Tomato Soup. It looks like an optical illusion.
My pride and joys. Now keep in mind, I rarely dip into these. Most of the time, I just open this up and look. It’s like owning an Andy Warhol painting, but you can have it with saltines!
Anyways, I’m very proud of that.
Everything down here, really.
Took a lot of time, a lot of work, a lot of effort.
But we made it. We’re all set.
You know, just in case.
He turns off the camera. He pops open a can of baby corn and drinks it like a Budweiser.
He does a post drink “ahh.”