Dog Days
July 20th, 2020
Starring: Ma (female, 30’s/40’s), Pa (male, 30’s/40’s), Dick (male, 7), Jane (female, 9)
The patio. Pa sits with his paper, near the grill. Ma sits with her lemonade. Jane sits on the ground, playing with her doll. Dick sits away from the patio, trying to angle a magnifying glass over a popsicle. Ma sniffs the air, and wrinkles her nose.
MA
Anyone else smell that?
PA
The hot dogs?
MA
No.
JANE
I do!
PA
Where did Dick run off to?
MA
I thought he went to turn on the sprinkler.
PA
I thought he went to Harry’s next door.
JANE
He’s right there on the sidewalk melting a popsicle with a magnifying glass.
PA
Dick!! Are you melting a popsicle with a magnifying glass?
DICK
It melts so fast! The stick’s on fire!
PA
Come back on the patio! You’ll burn down the neighborhood.
DICK
But ma—
MA
Listen to your father, Dick. He’s wise.
DICK
Can I go inside and watch the ballgame?
PA
No, Dick. We cherish patio time.
DICK
But it’s soooo hot. Can I have a popsicle?
MA
We ran out.
DICK
I feel like one. Everything’s sticky.
JANE
It is hot, ma. Even dolly is sweating!
MA
We need the sun. It builds character.
JANE
But pa—
PA
Listen to your mother, Jane. She’s wise.
PA
What do you smell, hon?
MA
The dog days.
DICK
Dog?! Can we have a dog??
MA
No Dick, you’re allergic.
DICK
But Harry has a dog!
JANE
Harry is better at clarinet than you.
PA
And his father’s a far more successful salesman than me.
MA
And his mother’s pies beat mine at the fair.
JANE
I want to marry Harry.
DICK
What?
PA
What?
JANE
Ma, can I have a popsicle?
MA (handing Jane one)
Eat it before it melts.
DICK
Can I have one?
PA
What’s the score of the ballgame, Dick?
JANE
When’s school coming back?
DICK
I’ll trade you for a nickel!
MA
I think I’m going to take night classes.
JANE
Deal!
PA
I can’t cook...
JANE
I miss my friends.
MA
Dick, would you turn on the sprinkler?
DICK
I get teased at school.
PA
I can’t afford a good lawnmower.
JANE
Dolly’s dehydrated!
MA
I’ll be an art history major.
DICK
May I go to Harry’s house, pa?
JANE
Now her eyeball fell into the patio crack!
PA
Get me a beer first.
MA
I married the wrong type of man.
DICK
I’ll get my magnifying glass!
PA
Aw, darn, the hot dogs are burnt!
JANE
Dog?! Can we get a dog??
MA
No, Jane. Remember when that one bit you last Summer?
JANE
I remember it was hot. Sticky. Like a popsicle.
MA
We’re out.
JANE
That’s ok. I don’t like sugar.
MA
That’s very wise.
PA
I found Dolly’s eye, Jane.
JANE
Thanks, pa!
...
I love summer.
…
Ma sniffs the air. She wrinkles her nose.
MA
Anyone else smell that?