Fear Monger
September 3rd, 2020
Starring: A & B
Road trip. A’s driving, B’s lying across the backseat.
A
God
It’s such an underappreciated genre.
B
I do appreciate it, I just can’t handle it. Too neurotic.
A
Look who you’re talking to.
B
Eh. Fair.
A
It’s like going to the spa for me. It’s uncomfortable, but it squeezes things out of you you didn’t know you had.
B
I get that. I just know I prefer a more laid-back experience.
A
But see, you like all the sad ones. What was the one about the Dad with the ALS?
B
It was so moving though—
A
That wasn’t laid back.
B
But nothing’s inherently scary about it.
A
ALS is scary.
B
It is. It really is a horrible disease.
But I know nothing in that story is going to pop out of nowhere and scare me, is what I’m saying.
A
I mean ALS could pop out and—
B
But you know what I mean, right?
A
100%
…
B
Maybe if there was a system. Like a scale for how scary something should be.
Like...Boo! That would be like three scare units.
And then a creepy jump scare murder clown would be like...three hundred scare units.
And then maybe death would be three thousand scare units.
A
But that’s sort of subjective. What if my fear of death is like nine scare units?
B
You’re not scared of death?
A
Not compared to other things.
B
Like?
A
Power tools. Jaguars. ALS.
B
But you have to be scared of those things because they could lead to death. When it all comes down to it, that’s the underlying fear, right?
A
Maybe.
...
What about aimless meaningless conversation?
B
That’s worse than death for you?
A
Oh yes.
Much much worse.
Silence for a long while. A drives on.