Ferdy
August 26th, 2020
Starring: Ferdy (male, late 20’s), Lil Nan (bull)
A PBR (Pro Bull Rider) tour event. In the preparation pen stands Lil Nan, a gigantic white bull. Ferdy is carefully helped onto Lil Nan by a slew of workers, who keep the bull steady with a rope. An announcer booms over the intercom:
ANNOUNCER (voice)
AAAAND NOW, A PBR LEGACY AND HOMETOWN FAVORITE, HAILING FROM STILLWATER, OKLAHOMA…
The crowd cheers.
FERDDDDDY MCDANIELLLLL JUNIORRRRR!!!!
The crowd cheers louder.
AND IN THIS ROUND, HE’S TAKING A RIDE ON ONE OF THE BIGGEST BULLIES IN PBR HISTORY....LIL NAN!
MAKE. SOME. NOIIIIIISE!!!
The crowd makes some noise. Back in the pen, Ferdy steadies himself, making sure he’s all strapped and ready to go. As he watches the start timer click down, he gives Lil Nan a delicate pat.
FERDY
Alright Lil Nan. It’s Ferdy here.
Now I want you to listen to me, and listen good.
This is my last ride, ok?
And I know you’re like “Ferdy, what are you doin, you’re in your PBR prime!”
And I say I know I’m in my PBR prime. But I don’t want to do this no more Nan.
And I know you don’t want to too. We’re both products of the system. I only ride because my daddy was a rider, and you only buck because your daddy was a bucker. Round holes in square pegs. Breaks you down over time, don’t it?
What do you say we retire tonight? This gate opens, you buck me softly, I buy you out of your deal, and we walk off into this Summer night together.
Got a nest egg with all that Monster Energy sponsor money. Thinking about getting some acres for myself. Grow a little garden, maybe. All the botanicals. Meadows for you to graze.
Come on, Nan. We’re meant for better.
…
So what do you think huh? Deal?
…
Ha.
Good.
ANNOUNCER (voice)
THREE
TWO
ONE
The gate is pulled open. Lil Nan starts to buck, but Ferdy is loving it, hanging on. They’re in perfect synchronicity. Ferdy holds on for 8 seconds. Then 10. Then 12. Then 15. The crowd goes wild. At 17 seconds, Ferdy closes his eyes and lets go, smiling. In the same moment, Lil Nan gives Ferdy an unexpectedly harsh buck, tossing him into the air like a rag doll. Ferdy corkscrews and hits the ground. The crowd gasps. The medical team sprints on as the rodeo clowns shepherd Lil Nan away from the scene. As he trots away, Lil Nan turns back and looks at Ferdy, motionless. The bull flicks his tail.