Hotline
July 31st, 2020
Starring: Owner and Caller
Two sides of a phone line. Owner is at the front desk of their store. Caller sits on a couch.
CALLER
Hello?
OWNER
Hello. How can I help you?
CALLER
Are you open today?
OWNER
We are not open today, I apologize.
…
CALLER
Then why is someone answering?
OWNER
Well, I’m here today.
CALLER
So you could be open today.
OWNER
The only reason I’m here today is to tell people that we’re not open today.
CALLER
I think you’d be better off not having anyone answer. People would get the idea.
OWNER
People would think we forgot to answer and come anyways. We don’t want that.
CALLER
But if I came by today I’d see you standing inside, wouldn’t I?
OWNER
Yes. But with the closed sign on the door.
CALLER
But you’re in there.
OWNER
Yes.
CALLER
So it’s open.
OWNER
Yes.
No.
The door is open, the store is closed.
CALLER
I understand.
But I do find that confusing.
OWNER
Does it amuse you to pick apart small businesses over the phone?
CALLER
I’d like to give you my business.
OWNER
I’d like you to give me your business, but I can’t open to take your business.
CALLER
Is there a reason?
OWNER
Inventory. And a needed day off.
You are welcome to wait until tomorrow.
CALLER
Tomorrow isn’t convenient. So you may lose my business. Only because I can’t give you my business.
OWNER
And I am truly sorry for that.
...
Where are you going to go?
CALLER
Somewhere open that’s actually open.
OWNER
Walmart?
CALLER
Likely.
OWNER
Alright.
Well we hope to have you come by soon.
CALLER
Thanks. I’ll remember that.
...
OWNER
Have a nice day.
CALLER
You as well.
They hang up. Both feel a tad gross.