Humane
August 6th, 2020
Starring: Luncher 1, Luncher 2
A park bench, during lunch break. The Lunchers sit on the bench, each eating their respective sandwiches:
LUNCHER 1
You know
All these years and I’ve never asked where you get that sandwich from.
LUNCHER 2
The Kosher deli, three blocks down.
LUNCHER 1
Ah. Kosher. Do you keep that?
LUNCHER 2
Not even. I just think it tastes better.
LUNCHER 1
They season it differently, or something?
LUNCHER 2
It’s how they kill the meat. More humane.
LUNCHER 1
And you can taste that in the pastrami?
LUNCHER 2
I can.
LUNCHER 1
Really.
LUNCHER 2
You want to try?
LUNCHER 1
Kinda...
Luncher 2 takes a chunk out of the sandwich and hands it to Luncher 1, who chews.
LUNCHER 1
Woah. That is good.
LUNCHER 2
Right?
LUNCHER 1
That’s good pastrami.
But I don’t know if it’s the Kosher thing.
I think it’s just really well-made pastrami.
LUNCHER 2
Well you can’t not say it was because of how it’s killed.
LUNCHER 1
Trust me, I’m dissing your deli. I’m not even saying my bodega roast beef is better. I’m just wondering how much of you liking yours is because you know it’s Kosher.
LUNCHER 2
Like a pastrami placebo?
LUNCHER 1
Exactly. Like if I put an inhumanely killed pastrami and a Kosher pastrami in front of you, I don’t know if you could tell.
LUNCHER 2
Oh I could tell.
LUNCHER 1
I don’t know…
LUNCHER 2
I totally could. Let me taste yours.
LUNCHER 1
Come on…
LUNCHER 2
No really, let me taste it.
Luncher 1 takes a chunk and hands it to Luncher 2, who chews:
LUNCHER 2
See? When I taste mine, I taste family, tradition, resiliency, taking care of one’s own.
And when I taste yours, I taste the crusades, puritanism, the rapture, and child molestation.
…
LUNCHER 1
I didn’t know you had such a refined palette.
LUNCHER 2
Yeah, well.
We all taste what we want to believe.
…
I should get back to the office.
…
Do you want the other half of this? Kind of lost my appetite.
LUNCHER 1
No, I think I’m set.
See you in there.
Luncher 2 places the sandwich half back into a brown bag and goes off.
Luncher 1 stares into their own sandwich, lingers, then takes a bite.