Jerked
August 9th, 2020
Starring: Austin (male, 30’s), Roberta (female, 50’s)
San Francisco. On a street corner, Austin stands under small umbrella table. He holds a tray full of little sample cups. Roberta walks by, in athleisure.
AUSTIN
Pardon me...
ROBERTA
Yes?
AUSTIN
Did you just come from Hot Yoga?
ROBERTA
Cold Pilates, actually.
AUSTIN
Cold Pilates, of course.
Would be interested in a free jerky sample today? Great post-workout protein.
ROBERTA
Um, sure. Did you make it?
AUSTIN
Myself. We’re an organic jerky startup. Local.
ROBERTA
Interesting. We don’t have anything like that around here.
AUSTIN
Thought we’d corner the market.
ROBERTA
Well good on you, being ahead of the curve. My kids love those slim jim things?
AUSTIN
Spoiler alert, it’s processed garbage.
ROBERTA
I can imagine.
Roberta eats her sample.
ROBERTA
Mm. Super smoky flavor. And it’s quite chewy.
AUSTIN
We pride ourselves on the freshness of our protein. That’s where the texture comes from.
ROBERTA
I believe it...is it beef?
AUSTIN
Feral pig, actually.
ROBERTA
Hm?
AUSTIN
You’re having the Hickory Feral Pig. That’s our original flavor.
ROBERTA
And the others are…?
AUSTIN
This is the Teriyaki Nutria, and that’s the Spicy Cajun Lionfish.
ROBERTA
You’re jerking invasive species?
AUSTIN
That we are.
ROBERTA
Huh.
I can’t tell if that’s brilliant or disgusting.
AUSTIN
We can’t either.
But you didn’t seem to hate it.
ROBERTA
I didn’t...I really kind of didn’t...
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Are you taking investors?