Scent
August 3rd, 2020
Starring: Denise (female) and Marcus (male)
Denise’s farm. She unloads a wheelbarrow full of produce into a carton. Marcus stares at it, stunned.
MARCUS
Holy mackerel.
Look at this yield!
DENISE
Aw well, just another day at the office.
MARCUS
Oh come on, Denise.
DENISE
Well you should’ve seen last week’s. Almost double.
MARCUS
You’re kiddin.
DENISE
Nothin to joke about.
MARCUS
No kiddin.
Well if I’m bein honest, I’m strugglin with my lot a lot, specially with my peppers. The pests keep getting to em before maturity. Thought the spiciness would turn em off, but it’s only turning the little shitheads on. Can’t sell much of anything about now.
...
What’s your secret, Denise? Know that defeats the point of a secret, but there’s gotta be one.
DENISE
You really wanna to know?
MARCUS
You’re really gonna tell me?
DENISE
If ya do it.
MARCUS
I’ll do just about anything bout now.
DENISE
Alright then.
First, you gotta go to the store and buy up a big stack of men’s magazines. We’re talkin Men’s Weekly, Sports Illustrated, Men’s Health, stuff like that.
MARCUS
...ok.
DENISE
Then you gotta leaf through each one and find the uh...you know those samples of cologne they put in there?
MARCUS
I...I think.
DENISE
Well there’s a bunch a those things in each mag, and so you tear em all out, and then you tape em to the base of the plants that are growin, and well, that’s all she wrote.
MARCUS
Cologne keeps the critters away?
DENISE
Like nothin else. It stinks to holy hell.
MARCUS
Fascinatin. All this time we’ve been puttin on the wrong stuff. Wardin off everythin we’re tryin to attract.
DENISE
Are you talking about crops?
MARCUS
Nah, I’m talking bout men.
DENISE
Ha.
...
MARCUS
Well, your secret’s safe with me, Denise. Really appreciate it.
DENISE
You bet, Marcus. You bring me some of those peppers when they’re done, ok?
MARCUS
Sure will. Gonna go fill my pickup with every issue of GQ I can find.
DENISE
Godspeed, partner.
Wear a gas mask, mkay?
MARCUS
Will do!
Marcus hops in his truck and peels off.