September Freestyle
September 1st, 2020
Starring: Alec/Lil Nurdy (male, 15)
Morning. Alec’s bedroom closet. It’s tiny. He seems like a normal enough 15 year old, but definitely on the scrawny side. Off his DVD player, he plays a few rap tracks he recorded from Youtube. He finds the one he likes, but pauses it. He takes out a fashioned tape recorder. Before pressing record on the tape, he steps into his persona. He is now Lil Nurdy. Maybe he gets shirtless. He hits record, then presses play on the beat:
LIL NURDY
Woah
Huhhuh
This beat is fire
Damn
Ok
Ok
Off the top
Got things to say
Here we go
One take Nurdy
Ok
Damn
Damn
Damn damn damn
The beat fully drops in:
Top of the month
Chick-fil-a line, I’m in front
Bought 7 chicken sandwiches and ate em all at once
Cuz I don’t balk, I just bulk
Freestyle reps, all light work
I’ve been making hits to pack pockets and show me what I’m worth
Running circles round competitors you know my rhymes got girth
Flowin actual it’s natural from ‘04 that’s since birth
There’s a madness to my method no denying no negatin
Eating chicken breasts so I can get the protein I’ve so been cravin
Cuz I been in my feelins, starin at the ceilin
Stole my sister’s nano crankin all types of Ed Sheeran
I wish I had an explanation for this behavioral formation
It’s just something bout September that just give me all the willies and it’s stupid and it’s funny and a total silly billy but that’s kind of been the dilly since I was a lil toddie that number nine was never rilly my faveys cuz when leaves start quickly fallin and the nights get pretty chilly I feel this pressure on my chest the size of flippin free willy
Wait I lied
I don’t know who I was tryin to fool
September’s the time when I head back to school
See a lil nerdboy like me get picked on a lot
For liking robots and roblox and a flip phone with no tik tok
Nobody got a clue that I got bars like this
All they know is in the locker room my stick ain’t thick
Or my pokeballs don’t sag or my pits don’t smell like horse piss
I can’t deal with this
I wanna spray em all in eyes with Axe and scream “class dismissed”
But that leads to consequence
And no honors list
So I don’t get allowances to buy 3D ink cartridges
So I’m stuck with no plan
Not a boy nor a man
And I’m sitting underneath a huge spinning fan
That hits shit that piles up like I’m eating whole bran
And every day is on a loop like I’m Toucan Sam
Damn
The beat slowly fades and stops.
So as this beat drops out
You can hear me shout as I flaunt my clout in all the ways that I can count
So F it.
F it all.
F you and F me.
F World Lit and Geometry.
F Soundcloud.
F the 18 and up rule at Rolling Loud.
F Brayden and the jocks
F the Tiks F the Toks
F the latchkey parents F the locks
F the mag F the glock
F the foot F the sock.
And shove it all up your ass
I’m the top of the class
And I’ll sleep up there happy, no rivals no friends
Just find someone to wake me up when September ends
Ha
Wake me up when September ends
Yuh
Wake me up when September ends.
MOM (voice)
ALEC?
ALEC!!??
THE BUS IS HERE!
Alec freezes.
ALEC
shoot
He starts to scramble, shutting off the tape and DVD player, putting back on his shirt, etc. He throws open the closet door.
MOM (voice)
ALEC IT’S LEAVING!
Alec throws all his stuff into a roller backpack and lugs it out the door.
ALEC
I’MCOMINGI’MCOMING!