Chilly
October 6th, 2020
Starring: Marcy (female, 30’s), Gopal (male, 30’s), Chilly (automated, male or female voice)
A home...in the near future. Late evening. Gopal rolls in Marcy’s suitcase. Marcy walks in behind, still wearing her neck pillow.
GOPAL
Did you sleep on the plane?
MARCY
An hour, maybe. This week’s been so wonky—
GOPAL
Did you eat?
MARCY
I skipped dinner. Both choices looked like they were going to kill me.
GOPAL
Well you’re in luck, cause we’ve got leftovers galore.
Gopal puts her bag down as they head into the kitchen. Marcy seems confused:
MARCY
…
Where’s the fridge?
GOPAL
What do you mean?
MARCY
The fridge is gone.
GOPAL
It’s there.
MARCY
It's a blank wall.
GOPAL
A lot can change in a week.
…
(whispering)
Say, “Hey Chilly, I’m hungry”
MARCY
Why are you whispering?
GOPAL
(whispering)
I want it to respond to you. Say, “Hey Chilly, I’m hungry”
MARCY
Hey Chilly, I’m hungry.
On command, a large stainless steel refrigerator mechanically slides from out of the wall.
CHILLY (automated)
“Good evening, Marcy. Are you ready for leftovers?”
GOPAL
Surprise.
MARCY
No....
GOPAL
Yes.
Watch this...Chilly, how long should those leftovers be microwaved?”
CHILLY
“Sure, Gopal. Those leftovers will be optimally warm after 46 seconds in your microwave.”
MARCY
Holy shit—
GOPAL
Right?
Welcome to your kitchen of the future.
MARCY
Where did you—?
GOPAL
It’s not even on the market yet.
Let me run down the features. Customizable shelving, condiment dispensers, a rotisserie chicken holder. And that’s not even the good stuff. Look at this.
Gopal hovers his hand over the fridge. It opens vertically, like a curtain. The whole thing’s undeniably cool. Gopal points to a little sensor at the top.
GOPAL
See that? That’s the mold tracking camera. It’ll ping us the moment anything starts to look or smell funky. And with the app, when you’re shopping and you don’t know if we need more mustard—boom—you can get a live look inside and see if we need more mustard.
I mean talk about an embarrassment of riches.
…
…
You look sick.
MARCY
You got a fridge that can watch and listen to us?
GOPAL
They promised me they didn’t do that kind of stuff.
MARCY
Of course they did.
GOPAL
And if they are, so what? We’re nobodies.
MARCY
Exactly. That’s why we’re valuable. They’re not listening for government secrets, they’re searching for the everyday nobody stuff.
GOPAL
Which is already being tracked by our phones and computers—
MARCY
But like...now we’re ok with selling our fridge data? To get French’s Mustard banner ads until the day we die?
GOPAL
If we want to be members of a modern capitalist society, that’s the price.
MARCY
But it’s worse than that. We’re paying to pay the price.
GOPAL
You said you wanted a new fridge—
MARCY
But I didn’t need a Chilly—
CHILLY
Yes Marcy?
MARCY
What the hell—?
GOPAL
You said its name—
MARCY
See that? That scares the shit out of me—
GOPAL
Come on, it’s been a looong travel day—
MARCY
No. I’m serious. This is wrong, and evil, and I don’t want it in our house.
GOPAL
Well I do! I’m not scared of being commoditized anymore!
MARCY
You made me read 1984 before our wedding!
GOPAL
People change, babe! If we’re already pawns, we might as well enjoy it!
MARCY
I’m gonna throw up—
CHILLY
May I offer you a glass of filtered water with crushed ice?
MARCY
Stay the fuck out of this Chilly—!
GOPAL
Chilly, please—
MARCY
Don’t you see, babe? This is the beginning of the end. We’re going to lose everything, and when that day comes, we’ll have nobody to blame but people like you—
GOPAL
WELL I’M SORRY, OKAY? Had I known you wanted an icebox, I would’ve gotten you an icebox! I would’ve built you a goddamn igloo if that’s what you wanted!
You’ve been gone and so stressed out and…I just wanted you to be excited about the future. Ours.
But F me for trying to do a nice thing.
MARCY
Babe—
GOPAL
I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow.
He grabs her leftover plate from the fridge and hands it over:
GOPAL
46 seconds, don’t forget.
Gopal exits off to bed. Marcy stands there, holding her plate.
CHILLY
Are you sure I can’t interest you in an ice water?
MARCY
Actually, yes, I’ll take one.
...
Thanks, Chilly.
CHILLY
My pleasure, Marcy.
It really is nice to have you home.