Hyenas
October 5th, 2020
Starring: Dawn (female, 50’s), Erik (male, 60’s)
Erik’s office, mid session:
ERIK
Anything else? Something from the weekend?
…
DAWN
I decided to try what we were talking about last time.
ERIK
Oh, great. Where’d you go?
DAWN
I told everyone I was going to the farmer’s market.
But I went to the zoo.
I felt bad about lying but I had to or else everyone would badger me about why the hell I’m going to the zoo alone and I’d have to explain this and everything.
ERIK
Right.
Why the zoo?
DAWN
I hadn’t been since the kids were young. Someone told me they had made it nicer.
It seems like the loneliest place to go alone, but I went for it.
ERIK
Did you feel lonely?
DAWN
When I was focused on the animals, no. But if my brain stepped back and started thinking, “oh, I really wish my kids could see these gorillas,” that’s when I started to feel different.
ERIK
Can you describe that?
DAWN
It’s just guilt. About being somewhere by myself for myself.
ERIK
You don’t think you’re entitled to it?
DAWN
I know I’m entitled to it. But I really don’t get a lot of joy out of being somewhere alone.
ERIK
Which is why I suggested you try...
DAWN
I understand the idea. I know a lot of people need that. But if I’m given the choice to go somewhere alone and go somewhere with my family, I’m always going to pick my family. Because they’re my family. I want them there with me. Like I don’t need to have “me time” to be even keel. I had plenty of time in life to find myself when I was younger.
ERIK
Maybe finding yourself isn’t a phase. Maybe it should be reframed as a lifelong practice.
DAWN
And I would rather find myself through what I have. I have people to support.
ERIK
And because you support them, it’s all the more important that you have a sense of self, because if you outsource your entire identity outside of yourself, you risk losing a real sense of who you really are. And while I don’t know you all too well yet, I think that’s really why you’re here.
…
DAWN
Is this the part where I say “oh my god, you’re right?”
ERIK
You can say whatever you want.
...
DAWN
I liked seeing the hyenas.
ERIK
Why do you think?
DAWN
They can laugh at themselves.
ERIK
That’s important to you?
DAWN
I think so.
ERIK
How often are you able to do that?
…
…
You don’t have to answer.
Maybe something to think about for next week.
DAWN
Definitely something.
…
…
Haha.
ERIK
Hahaha.