Dozen
December 12th, 2020
Starring: Lakshmi (female, early 60’s), Callum (male, 20’s)
A donut shop in a US college-town. Mid-morning, empty. Lakshmi, the owner, stands behind the counter. Callum enters, walking to the register. He’s mildly hungover, with a sharp British accent:
CALLUM
‘Morning.
I’d like a dozen please.
LAKSHMI
What would you like?
CALLUM
Hmmm
Callum browses the donuts behind the glass:
CALLUM
Lemme get four glazed
Three chocolate
Two strawberry long johns
One powdered cake
One maple cruller
One pink sprinkle
...
Aaand...one jelly-filled sugar
Please
…
LAKSHMI
That’s thirteen.
CALLUM
Yeah.
LAKSHMI
Did you want to buy a thirteenth?
CALLUM
It’s a baker’s dozen, right?
LAKSHMI
Oh no, we don’t do that.
CALLUM
Oh.
LAKSHMI
Sorry to disappoint you.
CALLUM
No, that’s alright. I’m not even sure where it comes from, I just know to ask for it.
LAKSHMI
Bakers used to get persecuted for selling underweight bread, so they added an extra loaf in case.
CALLUM
You said persecuted?
LAKSHMI
Flogged.
CALLUM
Wow.
Americans. They can be such a barbaric lot, eh?
LAKSHMI
That was in England.
…
…
Would you like a thirteenth?
…
CALLUM
Uh
No, I think I’m alright.
LAKSHMI
Which should I put back then?
CALLUM
Oh.
Um
One of the long johns
Please
Lakshmi does so, then puts the box on the counter. Callum pays.
CALLUM
Sorry.
For all the trouble—
LAKSHMI
Have a nice day.
CALLUM
Cheers.
I mean uh
Thanks.
Callum tucks the box under his arm. He exits faster than he entered.