Goldilocks
October 16th, 2020
Starring: Tess & Rhea (both female, 20’s/30’s)
A salad place. Tess and Rhea are sitting outside, digging in to their bowls, catching up.
RHEA
Wow
I knew you were in love, I just didn’t know you were that in love.
TESS
Oh yeah. I guess it all sort of snuck up on me.
RHEA
Gotta love sneaky love.
TESS
It’s been really good.
I don’t know, he’s the first person who actually feels three-dimensional?
Like not everything’s so perfect about him, but that’s what’s good. I appreciate him more for the little weird things.
RHEA
Like what?
TESS
I mean it’s nothing insane.
RHEA
But what’s one thing?
TESS
Well
He’s sort of a picky eater.
…
RHEA
A picky eater?
TESS
That’s what he calls himself, yeah.
RHEA
As in he’ll eat his ice cream, but not his veggies?
TESS
It’s not that he’s unhealthy. It’s just that he’s picky.
RHEA
So he doesn’t like certain foods?
TESS
Not even. It’s more in the intangibles? Like the way food’s prepared, or displayed.
He’s very sensitive to temperature. If the food’s too hot, he gets queasy and can’t eat it. Or anything that’s been in the fridge past a certain time. But also if it’s completely room temperature, it’s no good either.
RHEA
So it’s a Goldilocks type of thing?
TESS
And he only knows when it’s just right. That’s why dining out is hard, because he can’t control it. Same with the grocery stores. Like if anything’s packaged in those deli ziploc bags, it’s no good. Same with any dairy that’s in cartons. Rounded pickle jars are also a no-no.
RHEA
That’s a lot.
TESS
That’s just the beginning.
...
But he really is amazing. You wouldn’t know it if you met him.
RHEA
But I do now.
TESS
It’s just a sliver of who he is.
RHEA
Doesn’t that sliver tell you a lot about the whole?
TESS
It says he’s a picky eater.
RHEA
But most grown men can eat leftovers.
TESS
He can eat leftovers. He just has to put them under a low heat lamp until they’re a touch above defrosted.
RHEA
That’s not normal.
TESS
It’s three-dimensional!
RHEA
It’s one-dimensional! It’s so abnormal it consumes all the normalness about him!
TESS
Well I know him. And I know he’s three-dimensional, and I love him for it.
RHEA
And I’m glad you do. I just don’t want you to get hurt by his pickiness.
TESS
We’re fine.
Actually, we’re great.
We’re killing it right now.
Tess’ cell phone rings. She picks up.
TESS
Hey baby
Yeah, I already called and the milkman’s coming.
Can you make it until 2? I warmed up some celery if you need a snack.
Yeah, of course he’s bringing the glass bottles. Don’t forget to tip him.
Ok I’ll see you at home.
Love you too.
Tess ends the call. Rhea just stares.
…
TESS
Shutup.