tief.

December 7th, 2020

Starring: Collector (50-70), Aquarist (35-50)

A nice apartment.  White carpet, lots of strange art.  On the slate kitchen counter, there’s a standard looking fish bowl, with a beta fish swimming inside.  The bottom is filled with those little neon pebbles, but nothing else.  Collector and Aquarist both survey the fish/bowl:

AQUARIST

Well...usually I’m looking at more complicated environments but um...everything’s looking clean and healthy to me.

COLLECTOR

I’ve been taking good care of her. 

AQUARIST

Seems so.  All I’d say is keep doing what you’re doing.

COLLECTOR

I’m thrilled.  

AQUARIST

Would that be all?

COLLECTOR

Yes.

Actually, do you have another moment?

It’s a matter of aesthetics.

AQUARIST

I’m just the science—

COLLECTOR

Sure, sure, but you know water.  You’ve seen enough of these.

AQUARIST

What’s on your mind?

COLLECTOR

Well...a ship.  I’d like a ship.

AQUARIST

A ship?

COLLECTOR

Yes.  Some sort of maritime vessel inside the bowl.

AQUARIST

Like a pirate ship?

COLLECTOR

I was more envisioning like a...well, I don’t know.

AQUARIST

Pirate ships are always in style.  A simple treasure chest, if that’s more your thing.

COLLECTOR

I want to stray away from pirates.  Overused trope.

I want feel.  Something beyond the fish.  Heft.  Depth.

AQUARIST

Sure...I would caution you that if you try to cram in too much, there might not be enough space for her to swim...might be hazardous to the animal—

COLLECTOR

I want meaning to be leaking out—

AQUARIST

Leaking—?

COLLECTOR

It needs to be a conversation piece.  Expose some inner division.  

Nothing?

AQUARIST

I...I’m afraid I don’t know what you want.  You seem rather at odds with yourself.

COLLECTOR

At odds...yes.

Conflict.

Divide.

War.

… 

I’ve got it!  

A U-Boat.  A German U-Boat.  Barnacled.  Rusted.  A big hole in it from some Allied torpedo.  A sunken relic of tyranny, echoing its silent scream into the submerged expanse as she swims right through its gaping hull.

Do you know any underwater sculptors?  

No wait, I think I met one in Miami.

Nevermind.  I’ll take this from here.

AQUARIST

...no problem.  Just keep the feeding consistent. Scrub the sides of the bowl—

COLLECTOR

Yesyesyes.  All will be fed and scrubbed and well.  Thanks for popping by.

AQUARIST

Bye now.

Aquarist exits.  Collector goes back to the bowl, staring intently:

COLLECTOR

I’ll call it

“Das Schiff”

no

“Das Loch”

no

“tief.”

Bingo.  Collector smiles.  The beta fish keeps swimming.

END OF PLAY

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