Vacuum
November 1st, 2020
Starring: Anya & Barb (both female)
Split scene/stage. Barb is at a payphone, punching in a number she’s reading off a post-it. Anya picks up at home, from her cell:
ANYA
Hello?
BARB
Hello? Anya?
ANYA
Who’s speaking?
BARB
...it’s Barb.
ANYA
Barb! Sorry, I didn’t recognize the number.
BARB
That’s ok. I’m not calling from my phone.
ANYA
Did it break?
BARB
Oh no, I vacuum sealed it.
ANYA
You vacuum sealed your phone?
BARB
I did.
ANYA
With what?
BARB
A vacuum sealer.
ANYA
Since when have you had a vacuum sealer?
BARB
Since I’m going off the grid.
ANYA
Since when are you going off the grid?
BARB
Since this morning. I didn’t like the looming feeling I had getting out of bed.
Feels like the appropriate month to do it, doesn’t it?
ANYA
But so much is happening.
BARB
That’s the point. I won’t have to know about it.
ANYA
You’re just gonna hide from it?
BARB
It’s not hiding. I’m deferring. Once the month’s over, I’ll catch up on all the stuff.
ANYA
But stuff’s only going to keep happening.
BARB
Ehh I’ll deal with it when I get there.
ANYA
You’ll be even more overwhelmed.
BARB
With all love and respect, I really don’t give a damn. I just don’t want to deal with it in the moment.
Plus everything’s already vacuum sealed, so...
...
Goodbye and good luck, Anya. See you on the other side.
ANYA
Goodbye Barb. Stay sane.
The call ends. Anya takes her phone away from her ear and looks at it. She wonders if she should vacuum seal it too.