Vacuum

November 1st, 2020

Starring: Anya & Barb (both female)

Split scene/stage. Barb is at a payphone, punching in a number she’s reading off a post-it. Anya picks up at home, from her cell:

ANYA

Hello?

BARB

Hello? Anya?

ANYA

Who’s speaking?

BARB

...it’s Barb.

ANYA

Barb! Sorry, I didn’t recognize the number.

BARB

That’s ok. I’m not calling from my phone.

ANYA
Did it break?

BARB

Oh no, I vacuum sealed it.

ANYA

You vacuum sealed your phone?

BARB

I did.

ANYA

With what?

BARB

A vacuum sealer.

ANYA

Since when have you had a vacuum sealer?

BARB

Since I’m going off the grid.

ANYA

Since when are you going off the grid?

BARB

Since this morning. I didn’t like the looming feeling I had getting out of bed.

Feels like the appropriate month to do it, doesn’t it?

ANYA

But so much is happening.

BARB

That’s the point. I won’t have to know about it.

ANYA

You’re just gonna hide from it?

BARB

It’s not hiding. I’m deferring. Once the month’s over, I’ll catch up on all the stuff.

ANYA

But stuff’s only going to keep happening.

BARB

Ehh I’ll deal with it when I get there.

ANYA

You’ll be even more overwhelmed.

BARB

With all love and respect, I really don’t give a damn. I just don’t want to deal with it in the moment.

Plus everything’s already vacuum sealed, so...

...

Goodbye and good luck, Anya. See you on the other side.

ANYA

Goodbye Barb. Stay sane.

The call ends. Anya takes her phone away from her ear and looks at it. She wonders if she should vacuum seal it too.

END OF PLAY

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