Dormant
June 22nd, 2020
Starring: Doc (male, 40-50), Pat (male, 18-25)
A doctor’s office exam room. Pretty typical. Pat sits on the table, Doc in the chair, holding Pat’s medical file.
DOC
Do you drink milk?
PAT
Uh, yes. Not every day, but yeah, I drink it.
DOC
Whole, 1%, Skim?
PAT
1%, I think.
DOC
Okay…are you exercising routinely?
PAT
Yeah, a few times a week.
DOC
Okay great...any major drugs, alcohol, tobacco use?
PAT
Um, no, not really. I mean, the occasional thing but—
DOC
Nothing excessive? Nothing super hard, no cigarettes?
PAT
Yeah no, that’s not really my thing.
DOC
I figured. Just checking.
...
And are you currently sexually active?
It’s just to know if we need to test you.
PAT
Right. Um.
I mean what do you classify as active?
DOC
Do you currently have a girlfriend, boyfriend, partner?
PAT
No.
DOC
Have you had any sexual partners in the last few months?
PAT
No.
DOC
Have you ever had any sexual activity of any kind?
PAT
Yes. You tested me last year.
DOC
Okay. And have you had any new sexual partners since then?
PAT
Um. No, I don’t think so.
DOC
So we probably don’t need to test you then. No problem.
PAT
Ok…
Well. Hold on.
I mean I’m still active.
DOC
...I thought you said you haven’t been.
PAT
No right, I haven’t. But I still could be.
DOC
Yes, of course...but you haven’t been, correct?
PAT
Correct. I guess I have a question about how you’re defining active.
Because like geologically speaking, I am.
DOC
I don’t think I follow…
PAT
Well think about volcanoes, right? Some volcanoes are completely extinct. They’re never going to erupt again, like, period. And then on the other end there are erupting volcanoes, that are very active and erupting all the time. But then, in between them, you have dormant volcanoes. These guys, they’re not extinct, but they’re not currently erupting. But they could eventually, so they’re still considered active volcanoes. Like Mount Fuji. It hasn’t erupted in a long long time, but they still think it could at some point, so they still monitor it and keep tabs on it.
You know?
DOC
So...you’re a dormant volcano in this situation?
PAT
Exactly. But even though I’m dormant, I’m still active. And therefore capable of eruption.
DOC
Gotcha. Okay.
Well the good news is that we can still test you.
Is that something you’d want?
PAT
I mean, sure, that’s probably best.
DOC
Great. We can do that.
…
I uh
I hope I didn’t seem like I was trying to take away your...
It was never my intention to question your...your...”masculinity” with that.
It’s just part of the normal questions—
PAT
No, I get it, I just felt like I needed to provide some clarity.
DOC
No worries.
And if you’re ever worried about being um...dormant or feeling worried about erupting, any of that, just be in touch. We’ve got resources—
PAT
Yeah I think I’m ok for now. But thank you.
DOC
Alright.
Well, I’ll let the nurse know to get you a cup, and you can test on your way out.
PAT
Sounds good.
DOC
Nice seeing you. Please stay well.
PAT
Thanks doc.
You too.
Doc exits briskly to another room. Pat heads to his testing room.