Barbarians

August 14th, 2020

Starring: Lena (female, early 50’s), Dwayne (male, early 50’s)

Lena and Dwayne are in bed.  Dwayne’s reading, Lena’s scrolling her phone:

LENA

Hey

Do you know what this 64.99 charge for PPV is?

DWAYNE

Yeah.  That’s the pay per view.

LENA

What?

DWAYNE

The fighting thing.

LENA

Boxing?

DWAYNE

No it’s where they’re in the cage and they’re pummeling eachother.  I forget the name. 

LENA

Why would we get that?

DWAYNE

Jon was begging me.  I caved.

LENA

You didn’t want to check it with me?

DWAYNE

I didn’t think it would be an issue.

LENA

You just said the people beat the crap out of eachother.  It’s barbaric.

DWAYNE

Porn’s more barbaric.  

LENA

How do you know he’s watching porn?

DWAYNE

He’s 16...

LENA

Ok, well we can’t control that.

DWAYNE

Right.  We can’t control anything anymore.  As soon as we got him that laptop, we gave up our ability to shield him from the corruptibles of the world.  It’s over.  We lost.

LENA

I know.  

But that doesn’t mean we have to lean into giving him the corruptibles.

DWAYNE

I know.

I’m sure it’s his friends that are into it.  He just wants to be included.

LENA

Mm.  

People kicking eachother’s asses: the new social currency.

DWAYNE

If you watched it, you’d probably like it.

LENA

I would not—

DWAYNE

Sure you would.  A little family barbarian bonding.

LENA

One day, maybe.

...

Have you ever even been in a fight?

DWAYNE

Nope.

...

You?

LENA

Kind of.

I slapped a kid in 5th grade for calling my little brother a fatass.

DWAYNE

Oh

I’d say that counts.

Are we in a fight?

LENA

No.

We’re just fighting.

...

‘Night.

DWAYNE

‘Night.

They each turn off their lights and go to bed.

END OF PLAY

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