Toothsome

August 13th, 2020

Starring: Mom (female, 30’s/40’s), Milo (male, 8-10)

The living room.  Set up against a small swath of blank wall is a spinning stool, which Milo sits on, spinning.  He’s wearing his never-washed football jersey.  Mom stands, cell phone in one hand, black polo shirt in the other.

MOM

Sweetheart

You can’t wear your jersey.

I need you to come put this on for me.

MILO

But I hate those shirts.

MOM

You only have to keep it on for a few minutes.

MILO

I don’t want to.

MOM

Then I can’t take your picture. 

MILO

Why can’t I just do this at school?

MOM

Because this is how everyone’s doing it this year.

Would you please put this on?  Just for a minute?

Please?

Milo slides off the stool and shreds off his jersey.  He puts on the polo, as if he’s in pain.

MOM

Hello handsome.

MILO

I feel like a vampire.

MOM

You look great.

Now go sit, we’ll make it fast.

Milo sits back on the stool.  Mom gets on one knee, turning the phone horizontally to take the picture.

MOM

Ok now look at the camera.

Milo stares at the camera, but smiles weirdly, baring all his teeth.  He’s very still, holding the pose.

MOM

Sweetheart...

MILO

I’m a vampire.

MOM

Milo—

MILO

I’m a vampire.

MOM

Can you smile not like a vampire please?

MILO

I’M A VAMPIRE

MOM

This could be so easy

MILO

I VANT TO SUCK BLOOOOOD

MOM

Ok I’m just gonna take it.

...

MILO

Done?

MOM

Yep.

Milo tears off the polo.  Mom throws him his jersey, which he immediately puts back on. 

MOM

No please go brush your teeth, you’ve got class in 10 minutes.

MILO

I need to have my poptart first.

MOM

Then go eat.

He scampers off to the kitchen.  Mom sighs.  She looks at her phone, swiping through the pictures.

MOM

Dear god.

This is gonna be a yearbook to remember.

END OF PLAY

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