Toothsome
August 13th, 2020
Starring: Mom (female, 30’s/40’s), Milo (male, 8-10)
The living room. Set up against a small swath of blank wall is a spinning stool, which Milo sits on, spinning. He’s wearing his never-washed football jersey. Mom stands, cell phone in one hand, black polo shirt in the other.
MOM
Sweetheart
You can’t wear your jersey.
I need you to come put this on for me.
MILO
But I hate those shirts.
MOM
You only have to keep it on for a few minutes.
MILO
I don’t want to.
MOM
Then I can’t take your picture.
MILO
Why can’t I just do this at school?
MOM
Because this is how everyone’s doing it this year.
Would you please put this on? Just for a minute?
Please?
Milo slides off the stool and shreds off his jersey. He puts on the polo, as if he’s in pain.
MOM
Hello handsome.
MILO
I feel like a vampire.
MOM
You look great.
Now go sit, we’ll make it fast.
Milo sits back on the stool. Mom gets on one knee, turning the phone horizontally to take the picture.
MOM
Ok now look at the camera.
Milo stares at the camera, but smiles weirdly, baring all his teeth. He’s very still, holding the pose.
MOM
Sweetheart...
MILO
I’m a vampire.
MOM
Milo—
MILO
I’m a vampire.
MOM
Can you smile not like a vampire please?
MILO
I’M A VAMPIRE
MOM
This could be so easy
MILO
I VANT TO SUCK BLOOOOOD
MOM
Ok I’m just gonna take it.
...
MILO
Done?
MOM
Yep.
Milo tears off the polo. Mom throws him his jersey, which he immediately puts back on.
MOM
No please go brush your teeth, you’ve got class in 10 minutes.
MILO
I need to have my poptart first.
MOM
Then go eat.
He scampers off to the kitchen. Mom sighs. She looks at her phone, swiping through the pictures.
MOM
Dear god.
This is gonna be a yearbook to remember.