Blowhole
December 9th, 2020
Starring: Kimiko (female, 25-50), Brock (male, 25-50)
The bedroom. Evening. Brock stands half-naked, standing in a full-length mirror. Kimiko looks on:
KIMIKO
You o—
BROCK
No.
KIMIKO
What do you need from me?
BROCK
A blowhole.
KIMIKO
What?
BROCK
A blowhole. I’d really like a blowhole right now.
KIMIKO
...do you mean blow—
BROCK
I mean I want a blowhole. Like a whale or a porpoise. A big hole on my head where I can release everything at once.
KIMIKO
You have a mouth.
BROCK
What would I do with that?
KIMIKO
Scream
BROCK
Too showy.
KIMIKO
Meditate
BROCK
Too heady.
KIMIKO
Drugs
BROCK
Too temporary.
KIMIKO
Well I’m all out of thoughts.
BROCK
It’s a fundamental failure of our evolution. All this natural selection, and we never developed an efficient, unassuming way to blow off steam. Imagine it. Long day, bad news, morale in pieces, you walk into the parking lot or wherever, shut your eyes, squeeze your glutes, and TSSSSS, all the pressure goes right out the top.
KIMIKO
Sounds nice.
BROCK
Domestic violence, homicide, burglary, greed, exploitation, war. All roads lead back to anxiety. Now a blowhole might not solve the source of your anxiety, but at least you’d have a safe method to purge it out. That’s a huge chunk of the equation solved.
KIMIKO
But wouldn't it be better to attack the source of the anxiety? So you wouldn’t have to blowhole in the first place?
BROCK
Come on, that’s way too hard.
KIMIKO
Harder than giving people blowholes?
BROCK
We’re gonna have mind chips in our heads in the next two decades. Think about that and blowholes don’t sound so out of the question.
KIMIKO
Who’s going to start giving people blowholes?
BROCK
I don’t know. Someone smarter than me. Elon.
But when they do, sign me the hell up.
KIMIKO
Too bad you don’t have one now.
BROCK
Mm.
KIMIKO
But does the thought that you might make you feel better?
…
…
BROCK
No.
Kimiko hands Brock her pillow. He stuffs his face into it and screams.