Blowhole

December 9th, 2020

Starring:  Kimiko (female, 25-50), Brock (male, 25-50)

The bedroom.  Evening.  Brock stands half-naked, standing in a full-length mirror.  Kimiko looks on:

KIMIKO

You o—

BROCK

No. 

KIMIKO

What do you need from me?

BROCK

A blowhole.

KIMIKO

What?

BROCK

A blowhole.  I’d really like a blowhole right now.

KIMIKO

...do you mean blow—

BROCK

I mean I want a blowhole.  Like a whale or a porpoise.  A big hole on my head where I can release everything at once.

KIMIKO

You have a mouth.

BROCK

What would I do with that?

KIMIKO

Scream

BROCK

Too showy. 

KIMIKO

Meditate

BROCK

Too heady.

KIMIKO

Drugs

BROCK

Too temporary.

KIMIKO

Well I’m all out of thoughts.

BROCK

It’s a fundamental failure of our evolution.  All this natural selection, and we never developed an efficient, unassuming way to blow off steam.  Imagine it.  Long day, bad news, morale in pieces, you walk into the parking lot or wherever, shut your eyes, squeeze your glutes, and TSSSSS, all the pressure goes right out the top.

KIMIKO

Sounds nice.

BROCK

Domestic violence, homicide, burglary, greed, exploitation, war.  All roads lead back to anxiety.  Now a blowhole might not solve the source of your anxiety, but at least you’d have a safe method to purge it out.  That’s a huge chunk of the equation solved.

KIMIKO

But wouldn't it be better to attack the source of the anxiety?  So you wouldn’t have to blowhole in the first place?

BROCK

Come on, that’s way too hard.

KIMIKO

Harder than giving people blowholes?

BROCK

We’re gonna have mind chips in our heads in the next two decades.  Think about that and blowholes don’t sound so out of the question.

KIMIKO

Who’s going to start giving people blowholes?

BROCK

I don’t know.  Someone smarter than me.  Elon.

But when they do, sign me the hell up.  

KIMIKO

Too bad you don’t have one now.

BROCK

Mm.

KIMIKO

But does the thought that you might make you feel better?

… 

BROCK

No.

Kimiko hands Brock her pillow.  He stuffs his face into it and screams.

END OF PLAY

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Testament