Last Straw
November 8th, 2020
Starring: A & B, Server
A classic soda fountain. A & B sit at a booth. Server brings over a large malt and sets it down between them. There are two large plastic straws poking out of the glass.
SERVER
One large chocolate malt.
B
Wow
A
Thank you
Server heads back to the kitchen. B realizes something:
B (calling to server, who can’t hear them)
Oh waitwait—
...
Shoot.
A
What?
B
The straws.
A
Oh.
Shoot.
B
The really thick ones too...isn’t it normal etiquette to not put the straws in before?
A
It is an old timey place.
B
But it’s the 2020’s, not the 1920’s. You have to know that not everyone’s gonna be cool with putting plastic straws in everything. Give us the option, at least.
A
No spoons either.
B
It’s like they want us to use them!
A
Look at how thick the malt is though...
B
You could still drink it with your mouth on the glass.
A
But then we can’t really share it. We’d have to alternate taking sips.
B
You’re not willing to do that to prevent a turtle from asphyxiating in a tide pool?
A
I am, I am. I’m just saying the straws are already a sunk cost. They’re in here. Whether or not we use them, the turtle still might asphyxiate.
B
But if we don’t use the straws, then it’s not our fault the turtle asphyxiated. It’s their fault for putting them in here.
B, in an act of defiance, takes the straw out and drops it on the floor.
A pauses for a second, then decides to do the same.
B takes a big sip of the malt, which overflows, dribbling down the glass, the table, and their shirt.
B
Shoot!
A
It’s gonna get messy.
B
But with a clean conscience.
B, seeing the stain on their shirt, flags down Server.
B
Excuse me? Could you bring us some more paper napkins?
Thanks