The Clown
November 23rd, 2020
Starring: Kenji (male, 16), Mack (male, 16)
Science lab. Kenji is staring into one microscope, Mack at another.
MACK
Hey Kenji
KENJI
What
MACK
Look
KENJI
I’m looking at mine.
MACK
Mine’s cooler.
Kenji goes over and looks into Mack‘s microscope.
KENJI
That’s not pond scum.
MACK
Nope it’s three of my pubes.
…
…
MACK
It’s funny
KENJI
Eh
MACK
It’s a pretty good one.
KENJI
Mack I don’t want to hurt your feelings
But you’ve gotta step it up
MACK
Don’t tell me this wasn’t money.
KENJI
It was shocking. There was a quarter second of funny, then an eternity of gross.
MACK
Quick and dirty is my thing.
KENJI
You have to clean off the slide and disinfect the microscope and all that jazz. Think about all that prep for a subpar joke.
MACK
I can’t believe you think it’s bad.
KENJI
It’s not bad. It’s just not good.
MACK
Then what is it?
KENJI
It’s “dumb boy prank” territory.
MACK
And…?
KENJI
Don’t you want to be class clown?
MACK
Yeah.
KENJI
Then you can’t afford that. If you want to be CC, you have to joke like one.
MACK
I’m funnier than Donnie—
KENJI
But Donnie is the better clown. Why? Not because he’s funnier, but because he thinks like a clown. Remember the 6th grade Medieval Europe unit?
MACK
Uh
KENJI
Back then, the jesters and clowns were respected figures of the King’s court. People needed them. They were entertainers, not degenerates. Key is, you have to get people to want you to be a nuisance.
MACK
Like Donnie.
KENJI
Exactly. Even though Donnie’s a dumbass, he’s a loveable, relatively harmless dumbass, and right now, you’re just a dumbass.
…
I know I’m just some tryhard, but start over. Clean slide. Sleep on it tonight, and come back tomorrow making the jokes you want to make.
MACK
How do I know what they are?
KENJI
You’ll know.
MACK
But how?
KENJI
They’ll just come.
MACK
Lol
...
Come
KENJI
Seriously?
MACK
I’m trolling, I’m trolling.
…
Thanks Kenji.
Sorry you had to see my pubes.
KENJI
No prob.
Just be glad you have some.
Kenji goes back to his pond scum. Mack starts to clean off his slide.